13 marca 2012

poezja

Jock Engelman
Jock Engelman

Running Rampart Rat Race

Within the urge, continues to build on;
Separate from a place, I truely belong;
Away from the trees, streams and animals;
I wish to hide from, the husle and busle;
I wish to hide from, the turns and tusles;
Tired of running, in this rampart rat race;

The blaze of fire, over the velvet black;
Chirping sounds of song birds, reach my rucksack;
The scents of pollenation, treat my senses;
In my minds eye, back to the bush I go;
Where there's no power, from connections or dough;
It is programmed into my D.N.A;

Darn! Back to the smokey, noisy, city;
Just a single person, so itty-bitty;
Long to live in the wild, with the serenity;
Wish to sleep, with the beauty of nature;
With the stars, butterflys, and all creatures;
Where I belong, feeling wholy content;

Naykd Poet
13 marca 2012 o 12:55

great poem and definitely one I can relate to. Not much to offer as an improvement except the rhythm scheme is aabaab but for the 2nd stanza, but if you replace `nose' with `treats my senses' it fixes that and broadens the scope of the impact; and, `it's programed into my D.N.A.' you might consider

zgłoś

Jock Engelman
13 marca 2012 o 21:04

DONE! :D yes i could see the refinement the very moment that i read your comment thank you so much joe! you are very insiteful!

zgłoś

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