5 stycznia 2012

my daily routine… is there something wrong?

As I watch the sun set and watch it rise
i hear the sound of my alarm clock
can i survive the world today?
sleepless nights, eyes burning
maybe i will sleep tonight, must keep going
as i lay curled on the shower floor
i silently cry to myself
so tired, yet so awake
out to my guym, the barrier between
the chaos of the dark passenger
as the monster dwelling within
tries to control my actions
through my day, i’m surrounded yet alone
missunderstood, riddiculed, and mocked
i wonder why they are happy
as i move from class to class
i pull my long sleeves down to hide the scars
no one must know i’m vunerable
until the lonely trip home
once i am home, i train my pain away
attempting to tire myself out
and i complete my homework
hoping that i can be loved
i lay myself by the shower now
knife in hand, maybe tonights the end
and as the warm blood flows freely
the white floor pools with my blood
finally a pain i can understand
and as the blood clots, i shower clean
i stay up late into the night
trying to stitch up my wounds
i lay myself down to rest late tonight
as a warm fat tear rolls down my cheek
i watch the clock spin
this is my daily cycle…


Naykd Poet,  

deep... as I read the last line my mind continued... ..this is my daily cycle.. -- this is my life... I know of many who carry the same pain but do not find such words to express it...they just `cut'

zgłoś |

Jock Engelman,  

yes many cut their pain away, even though the relief only lasts mere hours at the most

zgłoś |

Jock Engelman,  

yes i am very lucky, my scars are very hard to see, most of them you can only seem to see under a UV light, and when my skin is burnt, but because of my partial aboriginal background, my skin is hard to burn... i used to stitch them well, and they went very deep cuts, so they all healed very well... most dont see my old pain, but i cant forget the cuts, i look at my arms, and i still see them.. even tho they arent visible... its amazing i only know a few people who's cuts and scars you cannot see, i guess it is just another way i am not normal... thank you very much for you comment, i know that it is a pain that most cannot explain.. i have written this long after things have settled, just to get the words out there... most of it is still occuring.. i am just careful, not to let it get the total best of me...

zgłoś |




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