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WSZYSTKIE PRACE
Poezja (34) Proza (5) Dziennik (2) Fotografia (1) Grafika (11)
O autorze Znajomi (16) | |
Look! Look at all the men, once filled with hope;
Look! Look at all the men, now who cant cope;
Driven into hiding, by this shallow world;
So afraid, to express their true feelings;
Cause you rejected and left them dreaming;
To chase those cheats with every other tart;
But by the time of your epiphany;
About his continual decency;
It's you who have moved into the friendzone;
A bit confusing in the message: the first 4 lines address a broad perspective `men', then the last four address a specific `you' - You need to clarify to tie the two to convey your meaning or intent...
zgłoś
the "you" is refering to women who dont notice the true decency of men around and search for the attractive "cheat" and then come back complaining when they are cheated on and the "men" no longer feel the same way or are so afraid to express their true feelings"
zgłoś
Quite the write you have yourself here. Strong message as well. Well done. Keep up with the great work. Keep on penning. Thank you so very much for sharing your wonderful and creative talents with us. We all truly appreciate it. :O) *S* Cynthia
zgłoś
no worries too easy mate, i shall keep writing cause i just like to write about fair dinkium stuff, especially after tucker :D
zgłoś
you wrote this perfectly.how true this is.there's nothing wrong with this poem.i understood it.you keep writing the way you are.your poems don't need to be changed in any way.good luck with your writings.
zgłoś
thank you very very much Shayna!
zgłoś
you started out great, but you lost your mojo somewhere in the middle. Not your best work. Sorry :(
zgłoś
thats ok, but where more specifically do you think that i "lost my mojo"..?
zgłoś