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Bunny Crunch, 11 września 2017
Family Tree
I swallow my pride and my pills
Slide into my shirt and a brotherhood that kills
You complicate my life, you see
With our sometimes loving rivalry
You don’t have a right to give me your orders
Think I collect my friends like quarters
You fight for me to work more hours
Yet, when I'm there, refuse me all my powers
You're far from tame
You're not to blame
I'm hurt by your many power plays
Infused through each of my tasks during our long shared days
You seem to think I am the failure of our division
Yet say that helping me is your mission
You defend my need to take emergency vacation
Then mimic my requests with impassioned animation
You say that my care will cause me a failure to be
Yet insist you've been nothing but nice to me
For you, I always try to be there
And in return, for me you lack respect and care
You call my commiseration wrongly confiding
After prior telling me the darkest struggles you've been hiding
You say my return stories feel too personal for work
After telling me your fam’ly thinks you’ll only be a failing jerk
And adding news of your last death attempt
From these stories everyone else is exempt
You'll open up more when only with me
Then slide right back into our rivalry
You think you know me but you don't
I try to listen but you won't
Anxiety spins ‘round your head
You say it keeps you from your bed
You complain and yes you whine
Yet say the act is solely mine
You'll change your heart and your mind on a dime
Of sanity host a vivid pantomime
I know how much you must be hurting
But if I said that I care, you'd accuse me of flirting
We've crossed places before, by night have seen each other's demons
We've been drowned by tides larger than any seaman’s
I see so much of myself in you
I wish there was something I could do
To lighten your load
Or walk with you along your road
I long to show you you’re never alone
That’s why I listen ev’ry time you groan
When I share my past mem’ries, I want you to see
That unspeakable terror hath also struck me
And I’m not here to judge you; I want to keep you from harm
I don’t mean to cause you doubt or alarm
When I tell you my sob stories, I aim to make you see
That no matter your burdens, you can always come to me
I'm here to erase all your feelings of shame
Remind you that some of your trauma I've experienced the same
And talking to me, I try to make you feel unthreatened
So for a moment, your burdens have been lessened
I’m there for and with you, through darkness and spite
I see within you a shimmering faint light
I reserve all judgements for the courts
And pray to be one of your biggest supports
It hurts me to see that your heart’s so deeply broken
I hear you sob through words unspoken
When you tell me that you want to die No lie I can't help but want to hug you tight And tell you that you'll be alright
Believe me when I show you or not
That despite your disguises, time I’ll always allot
You may act incapable of returning gratitude
But I am grateful for you through your every mood
After our battles you may never show you feel remorse
But woe is so destructive it could knock you off your course
And I must trust that some days when I cross your mind
The sad veins burst that your heart bind
Anon, when thoughts of spars with me come flooding in
‘Gainst internal tears you cannot win
You feel a loss and wish that you could tell me so
You’re scared I'd hurt you, tho, so I can never know
I know you're mad at the hurtful world
And your thick facade has scarcely unfurled
I know they bullied you by day
But I'm here to take the pain away
Our similarity is quite ironic
For you I long to be a tonic
Yet oft your shaking hand won't take my steady bait
Thinking for my help it is already too late
You won't cast out a palm or even a glance
For fear of your falling, you won't take a chance
I promise no nose dive could be ever as steep
As my stubborn care for you is deep
And no balmy vision of pure pasture
Will e’er be greener than my 5’7” stature
Gently I'm trying to be your safe haven
Through which you can drown out the Raven
Your heart with woe is fervidly aflame
I’m here to win with you this perilous game
Take a sip of my water
Whene’er you feel it's getting hotter
Take a step from the edge; let your faith be e'er pure
I want you to feel valuable—secure
You might first be mad or think I am “crushing”
But to false conclusions you'd be prematurely rushing
When I see my brother drowning, his shining star becoming dim
Who would I be not to swim to him?
Think me not daft
For not thinking twice ‘ere casting you my life raft
Let me keep you close while you're swimming to shore
Through my frustration know I you adore
And I see your potential to be so much more
For they can't break you at your core
You say you've let the world go
How, then, will you optimally grow?
Persistence and forgiveness make successful men
Without them, what would you accomplish then?
You want to be better than your genes would imply
So to hold onto something you must try
Let your hope cling to that one little dream
And defend it with your resilient scream
Your fans and dreams you can never release
To avoid letting your achievements cease
You cannot gain fans
By buying them beer cans
Start with that auburn-haired girl next to you
Like it or not, she’s in your corner too
So far in your corner
That for your snares she is a mourner
More than even you, perhaps
Which is why so many times she snaps
Tears fell to my grandpa’s grave at best
Thinking of how soon we may lay you to rest
That shooting star is falling fast
Let me uplift him so his light will last
Before he believes that his dice has been cast
And we wake up one morning to find he has passed
Give me a chance to show you your light
Before my greatest current fear is right
Fourteen days and two more to the grave
Why do you think that you have to be brave?
You say by now you've long gone numb
And I play along, but I'm not dumb
Do you think anyone cries for you?
I assure you at least once a day I do
You tell me I'm not strong
How about YOU just play along?
I act weak so you can be
The remainder of my battle you're too numb to see
I hope you'll ever see me cry
Either for you or because my eyes are dry
I bear our pain
I'm the one with the most gain
I'd love to share this gain with you
‘Ere that mourning dove for you can coo
Do you really believe you’re only headed for dead ends?
You think you’re too far gone to make amends?
The drowning may well be “all in your head”
But you’ve forgotten that above tides you can tread
You are an EMT; save yourself
Rather than drowning in feigned ignorance, your wealth
Don’t drown--I’m here! Just come aboard
I’ll keep you from drowning in the snares you’re headed toward
You resist help, but you tremble with no touch
What would it take for you; how much?
If you contracted hypothermia a first time or again
Would you let me hold you then?
Would you accept my warm fuzzy jacket?
Or disqualify me, like a team from a bracket?
I long for a day when your limits will be tested
While you are with me, so my hope’s not ill-invested
One day, you’ll stop being able to act
At long last your shell I will have cracked
Someday you’ll cry before I am yet gone
T’will be a day with a brand new dawn
Whether or not there are people around
I’ll kneel beside you on the ground
I’ll tell you you’re loved and I’ll show you you’re safe
Your heart will not be mangled by any emotion’s sudden strafe
I’ll get to wrap you in a long, gentle hug
Rather than iron out your every bug
I'll get to accept you for all that you are
Including the numerous times we will spar
I'll be there and you'll be able to see
My heart holds as a safe haven steady
And your shell to crack for me will be ready
For a moment, you won't be strong
And I'll show you that with this nothing is wrong
Only with your family who told you nothing good you'd ever be when grown
March on to their abusive drone!
You can do this—you can fly!
I love you gentler when you cry
Go explore and find your passion
A new course for yourself fashion
Follow your heart
I've seen it glowing from the start
Your belief in their sentiments must be deceased
For your highest goals to begin to be reached
You can't climb the ladder beyond its top rung
Unless to the world your melody’s been sung
Want to show them we’re survivors?
Climb atop those dark, weak risers
Ask me for your first note
And I'll give you my only coat
Far more than you have stumbled
Have pro football plays been fumbled
You lie dormant within a resentful cocoon
But walk with me and you'll be emerging quite soon
For I see the butterfly you're scared to show rather than hide
I'm here to take with you this long and scary ride
I’m trusting these wings to appear after some end
After to avail I've tried your heart to mend
So soundly the “dead” chick will tremble as its shell is breaking
So deeply it will choke when its first breath it's taking
The agony is deep in those first moments of its life
But after its hatching all becomes so worth the strife
To a new world it awakes full of fans; for it they're cheering
It matters no more if the rest are sneering
After patience has been lost
And the audience concluded that this shaking egg’s not worth the cost
I fade all the lights but the one I see within
Hold it close to my heart with an intoxicating grin
Fear flutters so softly and slowly around
After eons I refuse to toss you back on the ground
I see its mangled soul and patiently I wait to at last be able you to see
For you're a long sought branch from my family tree
While the shell feigns its unveiling, I wonder who you'll be
But will you bless me, hatchling; will you open up to me?
Bunny Crunch, 25 września 2015
Metal Mouth
You to me would always listen
When my tears began to glisten
As though those tears could work like guns
You told me several stupid puns
You abhor them, and yet, you would tell them to me
Showing me to you something special I might be
You would text me every day
Making me think that talking was okay
Sometimes you’d feel like you were safe to open up
And you’d tell me about family or your recently dead pup
When you did, I showed you I was there for you
But nothing ever would I make you do
I told you I’d be there in the middle of the night
And still with me you’ve never tried to make things right
With no one I would share the things to me you told
So your insistence that I make you talk is getting kind of old
By never giving up on you, I thought your path I could remold
Everyone but me could see your heart was cold
My own barriers I broke so you could do the same
Yet when you went too deep you insisted I take blame
I wish I could stop crying myself each night to sleep
Because you’ve made me feel at fault that your kindness I could never reap
Slowly I am drowning
While your ego I’ve been unknowingly crowning
You never thank me for the things for you I’ve done
Sometimes I wish I’d have the courage to run
If I needed you, you’d let me keep falling
If I called you, you’d just laugh and leave me bawling
I’ll take no more blame than you for this act
Of breaking our nonconsensual pact
It’s hard to help when I know nothing at all
And for your games I always fall
You deceive and you manipulate me
Making me think that me is the worst thing one can be
You act like I’m a useless burden
Communicating to you is like being back at Verdun
Your tongue is like a fatal blade
It is heartless in the highest grade
You gnaw at my heart like acid rain
From tearing it to shreds you think something you will gain
Though of your past I’ve never first spoken
You insist your barriers I’ve broken
I’m not the one and I’ll never be
At least you realize you’re not good enough for me
My emotions you slowly molest
And tell me I’m dramatic and a burden when I protest
You tell me to chill
When my hurt with you I try to kill
Your talent as a homewrecker
Is stronger than a mountain trekker
My mind you would manipulate
You never cared; t’was all in hate
The evil in your essence
Bubbled up in effervescence
You are an active volcano
Drinking me like Draino
By your words of lava being burnt
One first learns about true hurt
You need to practice what you preach
Swallow your pride; and don’t give me my speech
If you claim my barrier I should break down
Descend from your imagined throne and tear apart your crown
You have made me starch and starve
While ‘cross my heart your name you carve
Thinking you have power over me
Because there for you is all I’ll ever be
I want you to come to me and see you’re a jerk
Yet keeping you close will never work
I can no longer save you; I can no longer try
Yet I want you to realize and can’t seem to say goodbye
Though I promised you I wouldn’t, now I have to give up
For all you do is fill my cup
You may wonder why your friend I refuse to stay
What else can I do when you push me away?
Some people you can’t change; sometimes them you cannot save
And to think I promised to be there til I reached my grave
You my skies have turned forever gray
And though it kills me like you do, to leave you has come now my day
You can go to hell, my love
For you tear apart my wings when I’m soaring like a dove
There’s nothing more I can do, for my hands are tied
But it isn’t really losing; for to save you I have tried and tried.
Bunny Crunch, 30 września 2015
From a "Packrat"'s Point of View
Everything is temporary
And to me, that’s kind of scary
It’s intense psychology
So don’t give me your theology
It can be a fatal psychological disorder
So it’s really not funny when you call me a hoarder
With all these struggles I can’t cope
And for control I only hope
I need an escape
No matter what the form or shape
When you lose so much and your betrayers can’t replace
Tell me again that I need in my empty crowded room more space
When these shadows I’m too weak to face
You tell me it’s my fault I’m losing my race
In my burdens I am drowning
That’s why I have collections in their aging that are browning
I want the happiness of childhood
So lay off the mocking if you could
I grew up too fast
That’s why I cling to mementos from my past
You may not understand my fears
But it doesn’t mean my age-old carpet has never dried my tears
Maybe rejection has just been too much
And that’s why I have all this candy and such
Maybe what haunts me is the absence of love
And that’s why I cling to this empty glove
The hand that I’m holding may be never there
But I keep it to think that someone with me it will wear
Instead of sneering and yelling, try being there for me
Then maybe a light in this darkness I’ll see
Maybe these boxes and things growing old
Are the only lifeline I can hope to hold
This is the one thing I can do
To avoid being slaughtered by the new
I want a shield from this hurt
That’s why I keep every single shirt
Don’t call me selfish for trying to hide
From the day that in the midst of us a man slowly died
I’m sure if you saw him have that stroke
You too would make yourself go broke
After all, an expensive mask
Is healthier than a suicide flask
When you mock my heart that I’ve shared with you
Tell me, what else can I possibly do?
I’d rather be alone than taken and unloved
And unhealthy by yet another’s words be dubbed
If you don’t love the worst parts of me
If like me good in me you can’t see
Be like the rest and from me walk away
And leave me with no light to face alone my darkest day
Bunny Crunch, 25 lipca 2014
Stranger
Weak and wasted there I stood
Walking along the darkened path
Having no compass to light my way
Not even common sense
So young I was, and yet, so bright
For a stranger I met in the night
So strong you looked, so tall you stood
Waiting there for me
Bloodhounds scream
And sirens roar
But as always you
Are back for more
You smiled at me, and what I saw
Was fire there, not light
And because I was still just a boy
You played me like a toy
You were my hero
The very one to save me
From this path
The very one to swallow me
Along this swallowed ground
You took my hand and led me
Down the path of death
The death of sight and sound and scream
The poison in my veins
It's okay, you whisper
Softly as you slither next to me
Follow me and I'll show you
What life can truly be
But a ray of moon shone down on you
Showing me the truth
This Devil man you truly are
Despite my ignorance, I saw it now
The fire of you, the darkness
Cruelty beyond belief
Father of the night
And being myself a child of day,
That night I ran far away
When run I could no longer
I fell to my knees and cried
I watched my hero disappear
Into a cloud of light
I couldn't believe the way I felt
So heartbroken, so soon
Drowning in a black river
While searching for a lost and broken hope
I felt as though I was laid to rest
On a bed of broken glass
Each shard a memory of my hero lost
Reminding me I couldn't save myself
Just my luck I'd been to hell
Lured by a facade
And once in this land of terror
Betrayed by my own father
On my knees I did remain
I hurt, I screamed, I sobbed
Then a small star came to be
The awakening of me
Deeper into darkness did I fall
Until from the woods I heard a voiceless call
Drowning in the pitch black night
Of this hell so called my life
With the energy I hadn't gained
I rose and ran to it
A sweet new baby born this night
By the moon, my guiding light
I took him in my tiny arms
His shield from the dark
A tiny tear fell from his cheek
Melting any fire left in me
Don't worry, I whispered below the storm
We never have yet signed a form
You and I won't still stay here
This stranger you won't have to fear
I drew a cup of water
And we both took a sip
Our secret lighted promise there
That freed us of his grip
Slowly we began to crawl away
Reaching for the light of day
Brighter as we left our world became
Our promise making us fair game
To freedom we did try to crawl
Into a shallow stream
So magical our world seemed,
So much like a dream
I watched the sunrise break the sky
And all hold you had ever over me
Every now and then we hear you
Yelling from your cave
Violent words and treacherous threats
Screaming gripping ropes and shallow cheers
But these evil acts you justify
For you love me to the core
And this is right, so you say,
For all's fair in love and war
A house divided cannot stand
And that's why I fell so hard
Though I never thought my daddy
Would be the one to push me
Off the cliff,
The cold and fatal cliff
The very one that our bond broke
And taught me how to fly
No longer do I fear another day
When you'll whip me with your tail
Or any other means
For if you try to kick the fire
You only end up getting burnt
We won't try to fight
Instead we'll walk away
We'll no longer fear our dad
Our executioner
This stranger
For fear is never meant to last,
You see
It only makes you braver
Ostatnie komentarze:
18 maja 2024
kb
jakoś kojarzy mi się z "siostrami wielkiej
18 maja 2024
no chyba że pomieszkuje
18 maja 2024
zdaje się że nikt tu już nie mieszka
18 maja 2024
bardzo
18 maja 2024
orzeźwieni... prawie jak otrzeźwieni... i to
16 maja 2024
violetta
Może w lipcu będę miała takie wakacje:)
16 maja 2024
jeśli tylko
słońce w płynie..
15 maja 2024
Weronika
Za jeszcze jeden rejs!
14 maja 2024
Mam takie oko :)
14 maja 2024
Jaga
Zwierzęta upodobniły się do koloru otoczenia
14 maja 2024
To naturalny suchy i pustynny klimat. I tam są
14 maja 2024
Klimat taki, że nie był i raczej nie będzie,
19 maja 2024
Marcin Olszewski
18 maja 2024
kb
17 maja 2024
Deadbat
16 maja 2024
violetta
16 maja 2024
Marek Gajowniczek
15 maja 2024
Jaga
14 maja 2024
violetta
14 maja 2024
Misiek
14 maja 2024
Arsis
14 maja 2024
Marek Gajowniczek