Proza

Tears pour down my face like from an unearthy powerful waterfall. I tried to grip something for support mentally and physical, but nothing can keep me up and give me strength. My thoughts wonder a different time in my life, and then to another, but in each landscape, you are the centerpiece. A questions hovers above the rest, "What happened?" I look at what had once been and my world fades and my head pounds and my stomaching is crawling un scraping pain. "No one is to blame but yourself," I tell myself. The beautiful pictures of what once was carry me through a wonderland of remembrance for I time I wish it still was. My heart screeches and regreats sire. What once was is lost forever. I try to hold myself together, but there is no use, I am falling apart. I try to remember nothing good lasts forever, but that saying doesn't cut it this time. I loved you, I miss you, I yearn for you every hour, every second of the time, and I could lose myself in your arms again and again. If only you knew how much I need you, if only you knew the slightesy bit of how much you mean to me. You know you mean a great deal to me, but what you know is only the peak of the icebrug to what you really are to my being. I long so heartedly for you to see the difference between opening your heart and excepting for it to come natural. I was scared to get hurt, but I never knew that losing you wouldd hurt most of all. I didn't give you my all, and I wonder each day and night if if I had, would that have made all the difference. Nothing seems cheery because I know you left me and you have no intentions of ever coming back. Time has run out on us, I try to tip the hourglass back around, but it need two to push and you just look away. I ask you the chances and you say zero, I asked you when you stopped loving me, but I got no answer. I try so hard not to cry in front of you but my world is around the grave hole and tombstone placed for our love. You are beautiful, and wonderful, and so many glorious things. I use to melt down at the thought of losing you, but I never knew the worse punishment was to be right that you were too good to be true. If I was beautiful, and pretty, would you love me. If I had long straight hair, would you have kept me. If I was smarter and not edging to failing math, would you have dealed with my other faults. Because I know there are so many, and I wish I knew them, not that I would fix them for you, but so I would know if I liked them in me too and what you would keep in me with everything good, that you could. I want to know there's hope, I could build back up our towers, but you hold the promise of no, and I sort of wished you lied for me, but no, you don't ever want to feel it, you regret it, you want to rewind on it. But if I could remote a rewind, it would be to stop dreaming of a happy ever after, because they never come. But on mount everest there are reverse I wish to rewind to. I wish we had our first kiss, and I hadn't wanted to make it perfect, by planning it out in my head for when I would turn and go for it, since you never did, respecting me lovingly. Never rushing. Planned it out at the Valentine's Dance, during a slow song, you're favorite if it could. And I'd lean in for a kiss, no doubt scared to death, so frightened by my inspiring love for you, to ask you "Are you going to kiss me or not", as my first idea of this aprocuced as. I imagined your hands on my waist, your I love you forever full of the upmost grace, as you're at school with me, during break. For the first time your hands on me, cuddling even maybe. I dreamed of my first visit to your house, Josh's girlfriend meeting the family for the first time. I spent hours daydreaming of the next dance, Valentine's Day, more then ever daydreaming of all those firsts that we never got to met. Life love sorrows for me. I knew there were so many magnificent things we could be, and even marvelous goals we did meet. My love for you is overwhemling, a heat in my heart like no other warmth, no other love. A glow inccounters off of you and the beauty that comes through your soul, you are a true inspiration to us all. You see my words, but you don't understand my thoughts, they are now hidden from all. Missed chances hunt me down everywhere I go, in every corner that I land in. Unbearable hammers smash at my heart, trying to break what is still left uncompletely cracked. I had such hopes in us that you never gave the chance to blossom from, we could be so much, but you seem to hate the thought of being with me. I don't want to move on, and I don't on giving in.

You are always in my mind, you are always going around and around in my head. You make me feel like I was worth the weight, but then you left me, and I blame my slow start, slow middle, and slow endng before we did part. I love you with my whole heart, the day you realize that, will be the day you realize the truth has become reality.

Within me is a shattered spirit, he was frayed by letdowns, and pushed to the side from lowering kicks of hope. Undecribeable pain, hurt, and numbness follow me, some what guiding my presenece, everywhere I go. I know longer know who I am anymore. This is despression, I recognize it mentally, but this time around a good skill has become secrey. You were a hidden treausre, my whole I didn't see, but if I had known know one day I would have meant you, I wouldn't have stumbled through life with arrows through my back and knifes stuck across my heart. I don't know how much more I can fall apart. When we are having fun together, don't you see all the wonderful things we could be. Why do you run, why do you act like everything is black and white, because I love you, but around that is grey coloring. Stand with me I beg of thy. Hold me tight, don't let me slip away tonight. You're perfect, that's true inside and out. My biggest wish is if I could be with you. Love with you and me together includes a thousand things we could do. You make me happy, and I know you don't hate spending time with me. Yeah we sure do bicker, but I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, you mean a great amount to me, open your eyes so that you may see. Within me is a hole, deep, blackness filled and hollow. The walls of that deep gash are dirty from dipping blood and cut down dreams, all because you no longer want me. Was it ever crossed your mind, that we could be better, our heart's in a twine. The hole in my heart, is a wound that goes on forever, all you hear is the sound of the dying me.

I horrendously miss you and I so dearly love you and impossibly cannot believe I've lost you!

(More to say, but not today.) To Emo Jake (neckname form soon after we first met, somemore goofy times) You know who you are. Just tell me you love me too
PS: Just tell me you love me too and I'll be fine