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How Do I Deal With This.....! Edit Title
Cathering Nat Hope Faith
Back in September, I fall fast and hard with a good fThrough thariend of mine, less then weeks after meeting him. I told him less then a couple of months later, and regreted if for a while because he said he didn't feel the same (I knew it was only because he thinks I'm ugly), we had lots of fun together, and a month later he told me he lieks me too and asked me if I still wanted to try dating. My whole world want into a dream, it felt so far off, and magical, but loving, and unbelievable. Through that time I wished he would think about me, call me, want to hang out with me, choice me to hang out with at lunch, talk about marrying me, say I am the one, say he wanted to do things with me, and dream about me, and daydream about me, and say my name by accient when meaning someone elses. But that never happened, not even at the beginning, at our strongest relationship point. I wanted to make him happy, but I never seemes to, I wished he hold me, and ask me for a hug instead of always being the other way around, I wished he would kiss me, and very beg thing was, extremely big, I wished he would tell me about his day, talk to me about what was going on, trust me, and tell me everything, and use communcation with me. But he would not, I alwya figred, he just wasn't that type of guy when he loved someone.
We broke up in less then two months, and around three weeks ago (...)
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‘Tears sprinted down my face, but the thought in my mind was just another fantasy. Until he rounded the street corner and my wall of war debates, melted to reality. He was in one of those jeeps you always see in the movies picking up your loved ones on the way to the fighting grounds for the battle. But this was no movie, no dream I could shake off, no fear I could push away. This wasn’t something that would ever be left behind. I called out to him. All my soul in my throat, as I yelled with all my might. Knowing half of that strength would have mastered a big enough cry for his attention. But there was no way to control myself now. I pleaded with my feet to slow down as they criss crossed through the crowd in my mind, telling to shut down and let him go. But the sensation of emotion bouncing all through me, took out those feelings with a baseball bat and a loaded gun.
His frame stood through the skylight, and straight ahead. His expression shifting with every breath of the truck, running with his heartbeat. At the sound of my voice his neck quickly tilted and his head turned. To my surprise in one quick move he leaped off the veacle and to my tumbling bodie’s aid. He put his hands on my shoulders and I wrapped my arms around him, and he moved his hands down and around me, we stood there in each other’s care. Embracing his hug, aware of his ability to be our last. I pulled away slightly to look into his (...)
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This Is What You Did To Me
Ripped me into a thousand pieces with a demon smile
Scattered them all over a mile
Then you burn me lovely in a recyclible fire
Make me see the secret liar
Turn my stomach inside out
Show me what hurt is all about
Take a gun and shot my chest
Never put this bleeding to rest
Leave I mess
Of broken pieces
Desert a heart
For me to fix
Hidden knives
You stab me with
In my depth are cast out dreams
You ripped me apart at the steams
At the start I was half
You made me whole
Then whipped me
And tore me apart
And are still whipping my heart
Arrows threw my flesh
Once I was having a total melt down, it was the closest I have ever came to writing a suicide letter. I had a knife to my wrist and I wanted to cut so badly, it was becoming a really bad habit. I was about to slice, as I looked around the room at all the pictures of the guy that broke my heart into a million pieces, shattered my hope and dreams, and crushed my spirit, I saw all his smiles with me, and his laughter replayed in my mind, it hurt so much, I thought the pain was going to kill me, as it was destorying me. I kept letting out sops at all the memories that were flashing by in my mind, and the moments paused in frames. All the times we spent together, down the drain. Then suddenly I saw my netbook, on my bed, I removed the blade from the surface of my skin, I never cut, I never even scartched a bit, never pushed down hard, or at all. I never thought I would be a cutter, but that was what I had become. I wanted to let out to the people who didn't know I was there, that I was in need to talk, I felt my love was rare, and happiness was no more again. I had known that if I did not find another way I would cut harder then ever before. I messaged my three best friends, since I would not dare go to him. Two were listening. I told them straight from the darkness that was consuming me, simple words, of stabbing within me. "What's the point of living if he doesn't want me"! Sam messaged me back right away, your words full of (...)
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Tears pour down my face like from an unearthy powerful waterfall. I tried to grip something for support mentally and physical, but nothing can keep me up and give me strength. My thoughts wonder a different time in my life, and then to another, but in each landscape, you are the centerpiece. A questions hovers above the rest, "What happened?" I look at what had once been and my world fades and my head pounds and my stomaching is crawling un scraping pain. "No one is to blame but yourself," I tell myself. The beautiful pictures of what once was carry me through a wonderland of remembrance for I time I wish it still was. My heart screeches and regreats sire. What once was is lost forever. I try to hold myself together, but there is no use, I am falling apart. I try to remember nothing good lasts forever, but that saying doesn't cut it this time. I loved you, I miss you, I yearn for you every hour, every second of the time, and I could lose myself in your arms again and again. If only you knew how much I need you, if only you knew the slightesy bit of how much you mean to me. You know you mean a great deal to me, but what you know is only the peak of the icebrug to what you really are to my being. I long so heartedly for you to see the difference between opening your heart and excepting for it to come natural. I was scared to get hurt, but I never knew that losing you wouldd hurt most of all. I didn't give you my all, and I wonder (...)
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I reached out my hand. Hoping you'd take mine with yours. To pull me up to stand, knowing it would never be like I once did. As you barely wrapped your hand around mine, as you pulled me up. I still felt enough of your skin to feel warmer inside then I had in a long time. Way before I knew the meaning of pretaining I was fine. I promised myself it would be a moment to let go, but once again I didn't know. The wave you hold against me, stopped telling the truth, and now I've stopped to wonder, where is all I loved about you. I missed being a part of your world, as the orbit it spun around changed. I try to say it's no big deal, not that much has ran away. But I hardly feel your smooth hand, with his soft surface and sweet touch. I never knew it was possible to love someone to death, but now I wonder if I'm the living dead. How can I be me, if this me was born when you begn existing in my life. Before you, I was the mouse, and everyone was a prey, then an angel came down and dropped off you, my prayers were asked, and I thought you were heavenly through and through. What am I suppose to do, when I never thought life would get so rough, I would have to see the reality of losing you. I have to believe any love can be renewed, and you may someday love me too. As you love her, as you run to everything love can do, as long as she is with you. And I try to fight the pain, but all my plans have been erased. And I don't know how fate can (...)
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You’re so absorbed in you
And everything she does too
I’m so cautious
Wonder why losing you was so oblivious
It hurts me to watch
What we had turn cold
And frost
Sad stories are getting old
I don’t like how this will unfold
My heart was sold
Does she pick you up
Like I’ve always felt for you
Happiness and true
Was it me
Running away from you
Did we both miss what we could be
I made a mess of everything
Did I miss the door
Left as a mess on the floor
You hurt me to the core
What will you do
When she makes you sore
Will you want to renew
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I hate saying goodbye
It’s like saying a lie
You take so much in
Then throw it in a pin
You hope for the best
But then get all the rest
The best friend
Came to an end
The most hopeful of loves
Fly’s away like a v of doves
You let someone in your heart
Then from the inside they tire you apart
I hate saying goodbyes
It’s like saying lies
With the hello you let happiness in
With the goodbye you dump it in the garbage pin
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342 words
The wheel of time spins, spins
to the beat of our heart or to the rays of the sun. How in reality it spins is a question that
may never be answered. Like a Ferris
wheel that breaks down by surprise you don’t know when the wheels in your life
are going to break down and stop turning.
I myself wonder these questions when I lay in my bed at night, crying
over a guy who decided he didn’t love me and he didn’t want to care about me
like he promised, splitting all my hopes and dreams into irreversible pieces. I still yearn to go down into a cliff and live
there for the rest of my life, away from the outside world, hidden from
letdowns and excluded from chances of mistrust.
Stop you beg of this wheel, it
spins and as it does it is taking your life away. The yarn can only hold so much memory so you
lose the moments you try to grasp onto the dearest in your heart and in your
dear thoughts. Please take me beg, you
beg of the past, but the past is a cruel power and gives no exceptions to
life. Won’t bring back a far off friend,
in heave up above, won’t return the times you spend with the one you know you
love, it goes unsaid everything in my head.
I want to show up in a time machine and forget any doubt in my head.
FIX MY MISTAKES, because they
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With My Whole Heart
I knew that when you left
I’d be crying like the rain
I knew that when you walked away
I’d be wishing you would stay
With my whole heart
I’m wondering if I played it wrong
Did I make mistakes at the start
‘Cause healing takes so long
Could I have prevented it all
With all my heart
I wish you would have returned
It’s tiring me apart
I feel severely burned
Do you know how it feel
To feel the pressure of a heart that to heal
It’s so painful as it peels
I miss it through the no chances sealed
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