Proza

‘Tears sprinted down my face, but the thought in my mind was just another fantasy.  Until he rounded the street corner and my wall of war debates, melted to reality.  He was in one of those jeeps you always see in the movies picking up your loved ones on the way to the fighting grounds for the battle.  But this was no movie, no dream I could shake off, no fear I could push away.  This wasn’t something that would ever be left behind.  I called out to him.  All my soul in my throat, as I yelled with all my might.  Knowing half of that strength would have mastered a big enough cry for his attention.  But there was no way to control myself now.  I pleaded with my feet to slow down as they criss crossed through the crowd in my mind, telling to shut down and let him go.  But the sensation of emotion bouncing all through me, took out those feelings with a baseball bat and a loaded gun.
 
His frame stood through the skylight, and straight ahead.  His expression shifting with every breath of the truck, running with his heartbeat.  At the sound of my voice his neck quickly tilted and his head turned.  To my surprise in one quick move he leaped off the veacle and to my tumbling bodie’s aid.  He put his hands on my shoulders and I wrapped my arms around him, and he moved his hands down and around me, we stood there in each other’s care.  Embracing his hug, aware of his ability to be our last.  I pulled away slightly to look into his beautiful, enchanting brown eyes.  And kissed his lips, a motion we never undertook at the time when he cared too.  But those were not thoughts on my mind or burdens in my heart, what weighed me down and circling my most dreaded thoughts, were this.  He was leaving me, this was real, he was putting his life down for his country.  I didn’t support it one bit, war was evil and a forever haunting enemy.  Violence is not the answer, I almost repeated, but held back, knowing my time was presice now more than ever, and my words had to be few.
 
“I can’t believe you’re deserting me!”  Disbelief flooded over me, trumbling over my shield.  Courage was held tight within to all corners of my chest, trying to hold together, trying to prevent the fractures of cracks already making their way through me.  He just held me, no words were uttered by his flattening lip corners.  “I’ll write to you . . . everything that happens here and you’ll have to read my letters . . . all of them . . . as long as they will be . . . and write back . . . about all you go through.” 
 
I rub hi back, trying to reassure him that he doesn’t have to do this.  His uniform is dark green with black chaffs and a dark purple strip is outlining his waist.
 
I take a deep breath. “I know you probably don’t wish to hear this, but I love you.”  A sop escape’s me and my body tremble’s in his arms.  “Please don’t go.”  I give one finally plead.  “I don’t want to lose you.  You’d be a great fighter, but an even better teacher.”  He pulls away, and for a moment I can’t move, I can’t speak, I know he doesn’t love me, I reply mentally all that discouragement over again.  He wouldn’t leave me if he loved me, if he still wanted me he’d stay by my side.
 
He looks back and sends me a worried smile, and I regain slight movement and raise my hand and give him a slight wave.  And then his gone, he rebords the jeep, his head pocks through the skylight once more, he never enters the way he came.  The only sturdiness he ever held in expression was gone now, he hated leaving me.  His weakness to anything had always been my tears, hurting me was a fear of his.  A brick of horrendous hurt, pain, doubt, and fear wheel through me as he rounds the next turn, and he is out of sight, but the terror he is journeying on, is not out of mind.’