Proza

Today, after a long time, I feel like writing something- a feeling that everything around me is shrinking, I have nowhere to go, there is nothing left for me in this world, I am too old to even seek silly childish happiness- I have to write about them. Everything has become so colorless to me. Why? Every story I read, every cinema I see, and every happy couple I see, makes me sad! Why? I don’t feel happy when young couples take vows at the altar or make promises in their own individual way to live happily ever after. Why, why has it come to this? Am I becoming an unsocial, sadistic person? Is this becoming of a new monster? Is it another story of Dr. Jakyl turning into sinister Mr. Hyde?
I am afraid of myself….I am afraid of the darkness that is eating up my soul….senseless, tasteless-like an inanimate object I have become. I am indifferent to everything. I am not at all surprised when something unusual happens. I don’t feel disgusted when something unjust happens to me. People cheat me, take my precious things away I can’t say anything…..as if it will always happen. I don’t feel like fighting anymore. As if I have given up all hope. Why? I don’t really get it….I fear the hollowing in my heart… An eternal void of darkness has engulfed my very soul.
I feel pain when a boy finds a girl that he likes. But I love the struggle they go through before they tie the knot. The moment the struggle is finished I feel that darkness, a creature that is growing and evolving into a monster, is blinding my senses and making me mad, jealous, envious…..
I love love-stories. But they don’t necessarily make me happy. I wonder…why the couples are so happy when take vows. Is it because they think they are going to be with each other and live happily ever after? I mean this customary “happy every after” thing don’t really make any sense to me.
Why the stories in manga, books, novels and cinemas only show a part of story where the couples get together and get married. Why doesn’t it show the struggle that they will have to endure after marriage? During the adolescent years boys and girls tend to just follow their blind desire and try to chase their dreams. They tend to fall in love and make mistakes. Then the story tellers always tell story where the parents are not at all involved? Why they show the illusion that everything is ok as long as love is there? Why do they make the young people think that whatever their parents are thinking is not ok at all? I mean are they telling the story that the young people will buy and it will be a good business? Don’t they at all want to teach a thing or two about real life to the young people? Can they not try to point out to the fact that people are getting divorce, or committing suicide? I mean fantasy is ok but should it be so outrageous? What is "happily ever after"? Divorce comes quicker than the time a couple took to know each other and then propose.
This tradition of having girlfriend, sharing the same bed even before getting married, is sucking the post-marriage happiness dry. Have you ever thought why the mother can’t eat as much as the other family members (I mean only if she is the cook)? Because, by the time the food is served, she has already tasted the food…a little of everything during the seasoning…so, during the meal she just doesn’t have the appetite anymore….
Though people are talking heavily about love….doesn’t anyone think that some adventures and memories should be created after marriage? Don’t the young people think some love should be left alone so that it could be enjoyed later? I mean, life doesn’t just end after the marriage ceremony, does it? It is just a mere beginning. If the story tellers of manga, or movie or novels tell stories which ends with the marriage ceremony and a façade of “living happily ever after” and declares the stories to have ended….what do you think happen? It says a thing very clearly – most of the mangka or novelists are not married and they are fantasizing about a beautiful marriage ceremony or they are not happily married.
If it is true then shoujo and seinen and shounen mangas and the novels written for young must show some realities, sufferings of young couples and then end with a happy note.
I wonder...It is, perhaps, only me who is feeling this way. After all, I am just another entity among seven hundred million of world population. Why should the world give a damn of what I think?