Pain of the Past

I am hurting deeply inside,
Running from fears that I cannot hide.

I remember the things that made me go far,
Far enough to give myself a scar.

I remember the blood and I remember the knife,
I remember trying to end my life.

Although I don't do those things anymore,
The memories have left me sore.

The urge to relapse can be strong,
And they make my nights very long.

The things of the past make me regret,
And all my memories I'd rather forget.

I have decided not to hate
I'll just leave my life to fate.

I paint on the smile so that my face beams,
As I try to figure out my dreams.

I know the pain is of the past,
But I'm afraid it will always last.