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As I sit here
Waiting for something to happen
I feel my thoughts drift towards you
I think about how you smile at me
How you laugh with me
I think about our code-like conversations on Facebook
About how we talk of breakfast and T.V. shows
I think about how I'm dying to tell you
That I wrote these poems for you
I think about how you'll react
'You should just tell him' my friends say
But what would I say?
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He talked about dying today
And he said I would've probably laughed
If he did die
I giggled at the fake joke
Just to amuse him
But inside I was crying
He talked about passing away
As if it was no big deal
And a little part of my heart broke
I can't imagine what life would be like
What I would be like
If he wasn't here
It brings silent tears to my eyes
And loud knives to my heart
Just thinking about it
I wish he knew
That if he died
I would die with him
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I listen to song after song about love
And I can feel the tears rise in my eyes
For they all remind me of you
And how you don't notice me...
I cry these notes for you
I want you
I need you
Here in my life
And I cry harder
Because I know
That it'll never happen
Written: 9/25/11
'I'm never going back...'
These are the words I said
To my most trusted friend
He enever knew that it was a lie
I never knew it was a lie...
You broke my heart
So many times in the past
And yet
I keep going back to you
Running at full force
Only to be hurt again...
I hurt myself because of you
I couldn't speak without crying
I couldn't look at you without my heart breaking
I avoided everyone
For they all reminded me of you
They knew something was wrong
But they never bothered to ask
I was always wondering to myself:
'How can someone be so cruel?'
'How can someone hurt this much
Without meaning to?'
I couldn't stand it
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I don't get guys.
I don't get how all of them can be so oblivious to what ACTUALLY matters.
Not just looks.
I don't get how they can do nothing, and everything at the same time.
I don't get how they can hurt someone so much without even knowing it.
I don't get how they can make everyone fall for them without even trying...
And I don't get ME.
I don't get how I'm so, so stupid for actually THINKING that any guy (especially HIM) could ever like me back.
I don't get how I can let myself feel this way.
He's an ass for what he did to me.
No one deserves to be hurt lke this...
And I especially don't get why I'm crying...
Written: 10/?/11
Now you're over her
And as far as I'm concerned,
There is no 'other' girl
Or is there?
You've been asking me
If I'll wait for you
You've been hanging around me
More often than usual
You've been asking who I like
And if there is another boy
You smile and laugh at my jokes
But that's nothing new
Even so...
It still makes me smile
I'm starting to believe
That these signs
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I'm your closest friend
And...
I LOVE YOU!
...To bad I'll never be able to tell you...
P.S. I just want to say: I hate you for hurting me like this
Written: 11/14/11
'Either he really likes you
Or he's leading you on like a dick'
Words I can't get out of my head
I'm so confused
By all of it
By you...
I confused about what I'm feeling
Do I love you?
Do you love me?
You sure are acting like it...
Why can't you be one person?
Why do you have to change?
Why did I have to fall for you?
I'm so confused...
I hate you for this...
'Why is everything so confusing?
Maybe I'm just out of my mind'
Lyrics that speak truth to me
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Of course I had to fall
And fall harder than ever
I might add
Of course you led me on
Because that's what you always do:
LIE
And of course I believed it
Because I like to think
The impossible can happen
Of course...
Of course I let this get to me
Beacause I'm in love
With your lies
Of course you like HER
I mean, she's 'hot'
So why wouldn't you?
Of course you don't like ME
(...)
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