8 may 2012

8 may 2012, tuesday ( How Do I Deal With This )

How Do I Deal With This.....! Edit Title

Cathering Nat Hope Faith
Back in September, I fall fast and hard with a good fThrough thariend of mine, less then weeks after meeting him. I told him less then a couple of months later, and regreted if for a while because he said he didn't feel the same (I knew it was only because he thinks I'm ugly), we had lots of fun together, and a month later he told me he lieks me too and asked me if I still wanted to try dating. My whole world want into a dream, it felt so far off, and magical, but loving, and unbelievable. Through that time I wished he would think about me, call me, want to hang out with me, choice me to hang out with at lunch, talk about marrying me, say I am the one, say he wanted to do things with me, and dream about me, and daydream about me, and say my name by accient when meaning someone elses. But that never happened, not even at the beginning, at our strongest relationship point. I wanted to make him happy, but I never seemes to, I wished he hold me, and ask me for a hug instead of always being the other way around, I wished he would kiss me, and very beg thing was, extremely big, I wished he would tell me about his day, talk to me about what was going on, trust me, and tell me everything, and use communcation with me. But he would not, I alwya figred, he just wasn't that type of guy when he loved someone.
We broke up in less then two months, and around three weeks ago he met someone on facebook, and they are always talking. He and her started dating two weeks ago, and he has said she will be his future wife, and he will marry her and he wants to marry her, and has said sick minded comments about her, the exactly the same I always wished he would make for mr, but never did, He calls her every single night, even though he would always try to get off the phone when I called, and never call me when he said he would, now he calls her without being asked. He tries to visit her every weekend, even thoguh I asked him every weekend if he would visit me and he would alwyas rather stay home. He tells her he loves her, like he use to do for me, but more, and much more romantic like. He want to youth group with her, the exactly the same youth group, I asked him to go to when we were dating, but he said no since he lives so far away from it, but now he is going with her, and lying abot his age to get in, (becuase she is a year younger, and Josh and I are both the same age in grade nice, and she is still in middle school, and the middle school and high school there are sepuarted and at different times, it is the same youth I went to and asked him to please go to). Josh has this best best friend, who hhe has been friends with since they werre still in diapers, and he alasy said I was second to her, and I didn't want to take them paart, so I was fine wih that, even though he annored me for her, but now he says his new girlfriend means so much more to him then she does. I even heard he kissed her. He is always daydreaming about, her saying her name accidently, and even said he dreams about her. HE gave her a hug when they were just friends, something he refused to do for me. She makes him so happy, something I could never do. I feel like poop!
What was I to him? HE said he loved me, but now I see it wasn't even close, he gave me hardly anything, and never tried, but he gives her everything. He tells her every single last details about everything, even more communcation then I asked for, even thoguh he refused all of mine. HE tells her about his day, and talks to her about all his friends, and makes plans with her about next year when she comes here. HE EVEN TOLD ME SHE WILL BE TAKING MY SPOT NEXT TO HIM IN OUT HANG OUTS! What was I to him, dirt. HE shows me harldy any love, adn I;ve lsot all of him. he really cares about her, I wish I was her, in her place, but I've lost it all, they will do the perfect dance!!!

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