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How Do I Deal With This.....! Edit Title
Cathering Nat Hope Faith
Back in September, I fall fast and hard with a good fThrough thariend of mine, less then weeks after meeting him. I told him less then a couple of months later, and regreted if for a while because he said he didn't feel the same (I knew it was only because he thinks I'm ugly), we had lots of fun together, and a month later he told me he lieks me too and asked me if I still wanted to try dating. My whole world want into a dream, it felt so far off, and magical, but loving, and unbelievable. Through that time I wished he would think about me, call me, want to hang out with me, choice me to hang out with at lunch, talk about marrying me, say I am the one, say he wanted to do things with me, and dream about me, and daydream about me, and say my name by accient when meaning someone elses. But that never happened, not even at the beginning, at our strongest relationship point. I wanted to make him happy, but I never seemes to, I wished he hold me, and ask me for a hug instead of always being the other way around, I wished he would kiss me, and very beg thing was, extremely big, I wished he would tell me about his day, talk to me about what was going on, trust me, and tell me everything, and use communcation with me. But he would not, I alwya figred, he just wasn't that type of guy when he loved someone.
We broke up in less then two months, and around three weeks ago (...)
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Once I was having a total melt down, it was the closest I have ever came to writing a suicide letter. I had a knife to my wrist and I wanted to cut so badly, it was becoming a really bad habit. I was about to slice, as I looked around the room at all the pictures of the guy that broke my heart into a million pieces, shattered my hope and dreams, and crushed my spirit, I saw all his smiles with me, and his laughter replayed in my mind, it hurt so much, I thought the pain was going to kill me, as it was destorying me. I kept letting out sops at all the memories that were flashing by in my mind, and the moments paused in frames. All the times we spent together, down the drain. Then suddenly I saw my netbook, on my bed, I removed the blade from the surface of my skin, I never cut, I never even scartched a bit, never pushed down hard, or at all. I never thought I would be a cutter, but that was what I had become. I wanted to let out to the people who didn't know I was there, that I was in need to talk, I felt my love was rare, and happiness was no more again. I had known that if I did not find another way I would cut harder then ever before. I messaged my three best friends, since I would not dare go to him. Two were listening. I told them straight from the darkness that was consuming me, simple words, of stabbing within me. "What's the point of living if he doesn't want me"! Sam messaged me back right away, your words full of (...)
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I reached out my hand. Hoping you'd take mine with yours. To pull me up to stand, knowing it would never be like I once did. As you barely wrapped your hand around mine, as you pulled me up. I still felt enough of your skin to feel warmer inside then I had in a long time. Way before I knew the meaning of pretaining I was fine. I promised myself it would be a moment to let go, but once again I didn't know. The wave you hold against me, stopped telling the truth, and now I've stopped to wonder, where is all I loved about you. I missed being a part of your world, as the orbit it spun around changed. I try to say it's no big deal, not that much has ran away. But I hardly feel your smooth hand, with his soft surface and sweet touch. I never knew it was possible to love someone to death, but now I wonder if I'm the living dead. How can I be me, if this me was born when you begn existing in my life. Before you, I was the mouse, and everyone was a prey, then an angel came down and dropped off you, my prayers were asked, and I thought you were heavenly through and through. What am I suppose to do, when I never thought life would get so rough, I would have to see the reality of losing you. I have to believe any love can be renewed, and you may someday love me too. As you love her, as you run to everything love can do, as long as she is with you. And I try to fight the pain, but all my plans have been erased. And I don't know how fate can (...)
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Forever
Forever is a word we often use, for friendships and
lovers, that we believe to be true. It’s
simple to think something amazing is never going to disintegrate. To look at the ones you love and think they
are never going to disappear. Good times
roll by with friendships and love.
Saying forever is a way to lose the fear. A way to keep the smiles alive and the
laughter from turning hallow. A never
ending sense that the happy times are gold and treasures. Forever is a noun one cannot live without.
When you fall down you think there is always going to
be someone to catch you before you hit the ground and witness it all
vanish. You watch speechless and afraid
as the ones you love walk away.
The one who promised he would always be here, no
longer cares. Someone whom you trust the
most and has said he loved you, no longer will take the time to care! Now you can barely stand, you have lost him
for a while and surprisenly have felt the weight stat to lift bit by bit. Things change and you are afraid of what will
twist next. Painfully words are
darkening your bruises. Ruining your
passion of destiny and fate. He no
longer loves you and now there is somebody new.
Quickly (...)
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Forever
Forever is a word we often use, for friendships and
lovers, that we believe to be true. It’s
simple to think something amazing is never going to disintegrate. To look at the ones you love and think they
are never going to disappear. Good times
roll by with friendships and love.
Saying forever is a way to lose the fear. A way to keep the smiles alive and the
laughter from turning hallow. A never
ending sense that the happy times are gold and treasures. Forever is a noun one cannot live without.
When you fall down you think there is always going to
be someone to catch you before you hit the ground and witness it all
vanish. You watch speechless and afraid
as the ones you love walk away.
The one who promised he would always be here, no
longer cares. Someone whom you trust the
most and has said he loved you, no longer will take the time to care! Now you can barely stand, you have lost him
for a while and surprisenly have felt the weight stat to lift bit by bit. Things change and you are afraid of what will
twist next. Painfully words are
darkening your bruises. Ruining your
passion of destiny and fate. He no
longer loves you and now there is somebody new.
Quickly (...)
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When you left me you broke every part of me, now I'm first to pretend that this is not a dead body wandering the earth and I am wondering how something can cut you up into this many pieces, the knife never spots cutting each day and be excepted by the guy who tore you up and burned all your dreams down, to just get over it. Is he for real, because how I feel for him is and even though he treats me like he's never want to lose me as a friend, everything he says digs at me because I'll never hear the sweet words he said when he loved me again, everything has gone from a dream to a nightmare and I want to know how life can be so curel. I feel like I'm left for died!
