Proza

                In Search of Life
 
It all started when
Jacques Raymond Hill was questioned during the celebration party for his
new product launch arranged for his Research and Development
Professionals at long island, New York. He was at his jubilant best,
entertaining his clan of innovators, who have brought laurels to the
company by bringing product after product which has stunned his
competitors, fascinated his supporters and enthralled his customers'
world wide by their features through years of painstaking efforts.
Raymond Hill Inc's people knew that they were working for a company
which was their first home and which understood, "it's all about people and nothing else". And the chairman made it sure that the company made all the ills of the industry seem a distant phenomenon.
 
                                   But
the question by this enthusiastic girl working for the cell technology
section of the R&D came as a blinder; it was during a small pep talk
which he was having with her during the dinner time which caught him
unaware. She looked almost like her daughter Lisa; the question she
asked him was what had been raking his mind for the past 5 years. The
question was simple! "Are YOU OK?" Jack just faltered at it, not
able to get the words, it's like pulling wind out of his lungs, and he
borrowed some time by asking, "What? I did not get you". "Pardon! Can you come again?"
It's a simple question which people ask very often but in different
contexts. But this question from a person not that much known except
that she is working for him came with a different probing tone caught
him off guard. It's seemed as though she had a bit of clairvoyance or
she had just buzzed it like that but anyway she had known that there is
something disturbing his psyche and it had been running like an audio
tape over and over again. "Normally people expect me to be full of
confidence, at sync with my thought and action, spreading positive aura
into all the gatherings in which I am invited. I am a show man, a rather
flamboyant and successful one as they know me" he thought. But here
was one person who could see beyond all the layers of paint which he
has pasted on his personality. He never thought at that instant he will
travel a thousand miles in search of the answer. She just paused for a
few seconds then understanding that he had got the real question she
meant to ask etched on his heart now, she smiled away and just vanished
from his acuity.
 
                                                          The
rest of the party just went on in a smoke screen that's what he
remembered when he told his driver Russell that he will walk back to his
house that night, and he started walking on the bridge which he was so
fond of since he shifted his house to long island. He came to a halt at
the middle of the bridge and looked into the dark blue water stream. The
grey ripples created a fugue effect on him.  Jack knew he
had lost his true persona, the life he wanted to live and the way he
wanted it to be comprehended eons back. It looked as though he was being
pushed back into the tunnel of light at a great speed and life leaping
beyond his control; he tried to stop at the exact point at which things
changed. He pondered about some important phases of his life in a
glimpse; at least anybody else would have enjoyed living his life he
thought which they could only live in their dreams and which would
alternatively vanish in the morning when they get up only to reappear
the next night in their beds.
 
                                                                                                                 The kaleidoscopic time machine stopped at Heathrow airport, passengers' departure lounge, London, July 23rd
1985, time 23 hrs 15 minutes GMT. He saw himself catching the plane to
New York, He had just completed his Graduation in Managerial Economics
at the LSE and the girl in the picture who was conversing with him, and
he could recollect she was his girl friend Christina Diane Rossetti.
Jack had an offer from the Barclays, New York, as a strategic change
management internee and Chris as he called her had just finished her
resident-ship as a Medical expert in Community Medicine. She too had an
offer from the Wockhardt Medical Research Academy, Munich, Germany. But
she insisted Jack to stay back and marry her and said that she choose
both of them instead of their lucrative careers. She was ready to take
the offer as a Consultant in a non-profitable Hospital in Hartford-shire
where Jack had still a choice of working as an Assistant Marketing
Agent for an Automobile spares supplying company. She was in tears when
her efforts went into the futile non listening ears of Jack. For him it
was an opportunity of a life time where he can plan for their future in a
great way. He was so sure that, he comforted her with the words "Chris,
nothing is going to change the intensity of our love, not a thousand
miles nor a year of separation, Chris you know that even a 100 years
from now when we would have grown dead old our love would be the same or
it would have only grown from strength to strength dear!". He just
moved on, tears welling into the eyes of Chris, she was not consoled the
least; it rained more inside the airport that day more than what
drizzled outside. They separated with a hug and kiss, this should have
kept them going and reined the changes that were to come but it was not
the way how the story continued. 
 
                                                         It
has been 23 years since then, every thing changed, if there would have
been a Nobel Prize for change, growth and development, it would have
been on the table of Jacques Raymond Hill, the Megalith among the
Corporate of the era.
 
                 Was it there that the needle of his scale called life tilted on the present side?
 
                   And
he thought the least about what would have happened if he had stayed in
the relationship with Chris, married her and how life would have been
till now. There were challenges, excitement and the hard ways of course
on what happened side, but still he new he was amiss terribly. He still
didn't have a clue of how life whiz past him and he was ignorant of what
the true meaning of life is.
 
           Yes the question which was really put forth by the girl was "Did he know what really life meant to be".
It will be a difficult question to answer for the person, who the
entire world believed had all the answers. But first he wanted to know
the true meaning of life; he handed over the reins of chairmanship to
his trusted friend Brian Charles Whatmore, after a meeting of the board.
He called the girl who had popped the question but the Cell technology
section reported that she had taken a month long vacation to visit her
mother who is living in some distant country in Asia, but luckily and
surprisingly for jack the girl had left a note for him which the
department head promised to send him immediately.
 
                                                                      When
he opened the envelope next day, he found a soft satin scroll inside it
on which a small phrase was inscribed with golden ink "You loose your self to find your self".
 
Karmapa Ogyen Trinley Dorje,
Drone pass, Greater Himalayas, Nepal – Tibet border.
 
What did she mean by "Loose your self"
jack was trying to get the meaning in vain; it was not a conventional
one to deduce its meaning. He searched the web to identify the place
mentioned in the scroll and found that it was a monastery situated at
the summit of the Greater Himalayas along the Nepal-Tibet border. All
his money and reputation still looked deficient to take him there
because he had to put his life at stake to climb that peak. None could
support him on his mission as dangerous as this except himself. He first
thought of catching a flight to Katmandu, then he felt foolish for the
luxury and ease the flight travel will provide and there it stuck that
he had to turn invisible; a nomad, which is the only way he could gain
entry into the lama's abode because no King, no Clergy, no Head of state
had till yet received a red carpet welcome there, because every body
are prohibited there and they are considered to be only willful
trespassers with their pomp and paraphernalia. For that he had to hit
the dusty roads and in the true essence he had to transform himself into
a lousy vagabond who has lost his way into the monastery. He whirled
his Globe on his desk and traced the route to that place and didn't even
wish to think whether he would survive this, but there was this feeling
of warmth which engulfed him when he decided and knew it was worth it.
 
                         Jack
knew the consequences of becoming invisible, but he had complete faith
in his people. No more worries bothered him when he arranged his
essentials in a ruck-sack vanished the same day in the middle of the
night, the day was 23rd July 2008, time 11:11 pm (NYST). He
just walked away into the blue, the only important element which
connected him to his bygone world was the new PDA he had from a
retail-store that day, it had the GPRS embedded. It was like Vespuggi
leaving America.
 
 
                                  The
words inscribed on the note left by the girl attracted him like a
mountain sized magnet, he conceived that the Lama had the elixir in his
words and he had construed a plan for jack to find him. Leaving New York
jack took the route of Philadelphia, Washington, Atlanta, New Orleans,
and Houston then wished to cross the Mexican border from the state of
Texas. Jack either hitch hiked or took a grey hound bus when he traveled
in US, which was nostalgic to him. The eastern coast looked like a
crucible of races and cultures which have fought and thrived, they had
made the country the most powerful of all and competition is one thing
they had naturalized with a great spirit for survival. But jack was also
troubled by some circumspect, unanswered questions. They were actually
some suppressed fears he tracked down in the minds of people. The fears
where something, Like, "Whether there is a benevolent, merciful and
personal God? Are we satisfied with all this materialistic success that
has been achieved? What has been lost to achieve all this? What does the future behold with a globe that has gone flat?" Fear was like a devastating disease which was crumpling their civilization into the hellhole of Non-belief.
                                                               
                                                           With
all this in his heart jack was ready to cross the Rubicon, he had to
cross the Mexican American border illegally. For a crumb of dollars, the
borders smugglers heaved him into the dick of a over crowded car, for 2
hours he was bumping stacked in the human pile among 4 others who even
in that humble situation had the guts to smile and cheer with hope to go
back to their home country. At Monterrey they were abandoned when it
was dark, past midnight. After 1 hour he walked into a slum where he
came across Make-shift bar. He ordered for a glass of locally brewed
brandy, the night was cold enough to numb his limbs and his tongue had
gone taut. The shot of brandy had a dramatic effect on his body
loosening him like a blooming flower, the fog was stark white and he saw
a fairy like girl walk-up to him. She was wearing a white-purple mixed
long skirt with pink and rose lilies strewn around a magenta top. She
was startlingly beautiful with a moderate but beaming bosom. She sat
beside him and started a conversation; jack felt happy talking to her as
it was a relief from the silent journey he had taken across the border
with no space to converse. He brought her wine but he could feel that
she was not there for alms and she was laughing instead at his attitude
of elation. She talked about the hardships of living and working for a
Textiles & Garments company, where she was a fabricator with
thousands of other blue-collared workers. Jack saw her with contempt
now, as he questioned whether the company has not brought any
socio-economic boom for the town's economy. She then revealed the
gruesome, monotonous and mindless physical labor which they have to put
up with and the hazardous journey they have to take every night back to
their homes with threats of rape and murder for a few pesos which they
earned after a day's toil. She remarked about the incidents of highway
rapes and homicides which were committed by psychopathic managers of the
firm in collaboration with the town bus drivers, the government was
also deaf to the reports as the huge amounts of FDI which poured across
the border made them to sweep these murders under the economic carpets. 
She asked why the Corporate have stooped so low enough to earn their
profit which were soaked with the blood of innocent Monterrey virgins. 
The comfortable warmth of the brandy gave way to horror filled
frigidness in Jack's body as now he knew she was one among the victims
of this brutality.
 
           
Jack was aware of all the illness which was present in the human race
towards out-winning one another, but the blood bath which he heard
himself and which through premonition felt he was going to witness along
his path to destiny was literally stupefying.
 
           
In the next three months if Jack could concise what he saw and believed
that not even with his enormous capabilities behind him, there would be
no control option in his remote which can resolve the happenings and
the thought that this would continue absurdly with nothing to intervene
had maddening effect on him which he withstood bravely.
 
          
God sent hurricanes with fancy names which smashed a million lives in
the central American  countries of Honduras, Belize and El Salvador with
a single swipe made by the giant tongues of mother nature, children and
pregnant women in Haiti whose memories had straightened them that the
only tasty food they will eat for the months to come would be the filthy
beach sand rich in calcium, magnesium and phosphate imported from
Kingston, natural resources which were stolen from the mineral rich
areas of the Amazon valley, Brazil with the least concern for spines
which carried them on their back, the Drug mafia in south American
cities like Bogotá, Paramaribo and Cayenne which smothered the efforts
of nascent democracies which are trying to mushroom in their countries,
central and south African men  who peddle virgin girls to satiate rich
HIV infected business men, Governments and parallel Juntas in north west
African countries which fight each other for deciding who should have
the first shove at the blood irrigated mineral rich mines for precious
stones, sub-Saharan nations where new viruses and other micro-organisms
are tested for their efficacy as biological mass weapons by the so
called technologically, industrially superior and civilized nations of
the west, central and west Asian republic which are cleansing each other
in the name of purity, homogeneity and holy war, schools, hospitals and
refugee camps bombed on a daily basis in Baghdad, Ossetia, Kandahar and
later reported as an essential exercise of collateral damage to
eliminate global terrorism, the voice of people stifled so that glorious
nationalism can prevail in the so called socialist south Asian
countries – Marx would have hanged himself by the noose if he had reborn
in one of those countries.
 
            It was 23rd
November, 2008 that day.  Still with all courage Jack reached the snow
clad steps of the Monastery with his mind and spirit roughened like his
battered body.  The Lama recognized him when he was brought inside along
with the Nepalese Sherpa who had escorted him through the lofty
Himalayas into the Drone pass. Jack was looked after by the monks for
the 2 unconscious weeks he spent there, his dreams which suffocated him
all the time during his voyage had slowly vaporized and his mind became
like the rarified atmosphere of the monastery. He thought riding over
the mountains was the least painful stretch of his whole journey because
it only stretched his physiological limits, where has the rest had
spread across his psyche to the extreme, luckily the tympanic mind had
not burst yet and he was saved by the monastery. The GPRS had helped him
to position all the places he traveled, but his mind was not able to
position all the people he met, their emotions, their sufferings and the
relationship they had formed with the universe.
                               
                                  After
he recuperated, one misty evening, he told the lama who nursed him that
he wanted to meet the Chief Lama. By that time the Lama himself was
walking towards him, Jack humbly bowed before him to pay his obeisance.
Before he thought of asking him some questions, the Lama spoke. He asked
jack "Who are you?" Jack chuckled and said "I don't know". The Lama paused for a second and continued "What do you want?" Jack pondered and asked "What
is the true meaning of life?" "Why do people suffer yet still cling to
their life as though it was full of joy" Where is the all merciful God?"
"If He is there amongst us, does He play dice?" A surge of energy
made him think of asking the blessed Lama all these questions. But
before his volition could act, he felt the Lama's hands over his vault
and his thumbs on his vortex. Time had stopped. It was as though a
white out had descended on him, but he was still there, a state of
supra-consciousness engulfed him, now he saw, truly saw the mist clear, a
million rays of sun striking and penetrating his mind and body at a
single instance spreading a blissful, ever lasting and endearing joy
into his spirit. He realized that his soul had been redeemed; it had
fused with the universal one and her pulse was reverberating within him
now. She had conveyed all her love, peace and freedom into him, he
became aware of all the artificial boundaries, barriers and walls
created by human exhume to nothing. None of the religions and racial
symbols endured, all man-made illusions vanished, for the first time and
the times to come he realized that all along every one had a chance to
carry her in their wombs. We have to keep her alive just by believing in
her and reaching out for her. She has this capacity to heal herself;
the only thing was to have faith in her ability and to pass on her love
to all across this universe.
 
                                                    When
the experience passed out, jack was back to his conscious and
understood that under all adversities in which people lived and suffered
 still they had time to talk, to offer food & shelter,
to protect, to lend a boat, to ensure safety, to pass a helping hand,
to remain silent when he needed to contemplate in his own mind, to heal
with a consoling word and to sacrifice what little they had with them
for his well-being, there he had at last sensed the spiritual element in
those noble deeds and in the miracle of unselfish love and sacrifice
which was something beyond his conscious understanding before. Now he
knew that to feel this one need not be a devout believer of any religion
or faith, but just had to be patient enough to listen to their inner
self because it has something to say to them. For that the external
noise and the inner ego had to be shut away just like what the Lama did
for him. Jack felt it was almost like when he was a small child making
his first awe-inspiring discovery when he was lying on the meadow and
yondering at the star clad sky during silent nights. Jack took the
Lama's hand and kissed them; he saw into his eyes, now there was no need
for words because looks were more than words and he smiled and picked
his ruck-sack and started walking down the steps and out into the world
which was waiting to behold him.

                                 Balasubramanian C.V.M.