Proza

How is it, in a crowded room of people? I feel so alone. It’s like being in the brightest room… and yet, still blindly searching for a light switch. The switch that only I can see and be affected by, as everyone else can plainly see there is no need for another light. Still, I feel like I am in a endless darkness, and it is as if everyone else who has no need of the light, is staring at me, watching me search, and rather than helping me and showing me where the switch is, they laugh at what they call my naivety; yet I call my alternative thinking.
To one, I may come across as no different. Yet my mind is a twisted tangle of thoughts that I cannot describe, so I choose not to. I think no one knows the complete true me. People know parts of me, yet I still have deep personal secrets that have no words that could describe them. And as time goes by, and people move on… the people who know me, become more distant… and I yet again find myself having to build up a new relationship with a new person, once again starting from the beginning. And im not talking about a dating relationship, I mean it as any human relationship. 
Sometimes, I wish I could be normal, not so different. Although, what is normal? My life is a constant shuffle of ever-changing emotions; That no matter how hard I try, I cannot control. I have gained skill at hiding my emotions, but… I still am lying to myself.