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	marielle
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marielle, 8 czerwca 2015

daddy

how could he
leave me?
how could daddy leave me?
he was supposed to be my
best friend forever.
he was supposed to take
pictures with my at my first prom,
and walk me down the aisle
when the time came.
he was supposed to scare off
any boys that came around,
and protect me from whatever
life threw at me.
how could
daddy leave me?
why would he do that?
who’s going to take naps with me?
who’s going to take my side when
me and matty fight?
who’s going to let me eat
spongebob mac and cheese
and oreos for dinner?
daddy wake up
let’s go
let’s get out of here.
let’s go to the little store
down the street.
you can get me those big gum balls
that i can barely chew
because my teeth aren’t strong enough yet.
daddy.
how could you leave me?
daddy please.
wake up.
what am i going to do without you?
i need you.

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marielle, 8 czerwca 2015

no title

it feels like i’m drowning.
like i’m being sucked down by an
undertow
and the weight of the waves
becomes too heavy to stay afloat,
and continue fighting.
my head was once filled with
smiles and laughter
and has now been consumed
by darkness,
and no matter how hard
i fight,
the current is stronger.
i can feel myself getting pulled
down
faster and faster,
but no longer resist it.
i let it take me down
because i’m not sure what’s worse;
The current below me or my inability to swim.

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marielle, 8 czerwca 2015

i am now who i want to be

it's funny
how empty you can feel
even when
everything's going the way you want.
it's funny how sometimes
no matter how hard you try,
you just can't bring yourself to smile
and mean it.
it’s funny how i feel a heartbeat
but sometimes
when i looked in the mirror;
my eyes were dead,
and no amount of makeup could conceal that.
no amount of drugs,
alcohol,
or sex
could override that emptiness.
it’s incredible how much can change
over the course of just one year.
it’s beautiful what i’ve found.
what i found gave me hope
when i was sure there was none left.
its something that makes me feel alive.
it consumes me
and angers me
and mostly scares me beyond compare,
but it’s real.
it’s a feeling.
it’s a thousand feelings morphed into
one single word.
it’s the most empowering thing i’ve ever felt.
it brought me out of such a dark abyss
that i had presumed i’d stay in
for many more years to come.
it was the one thing that
kept me going
when i was ready to give up.
it’s the feeling of home
without a house,
because my house was never a home.
it’s what made me believe in myself.
it’s what gave me the power to control
each and every one of my feelings,
while at the same time
giving that power to someone else.
it’s what i know will destroy me with time,
but for now it all seems worth it.
it was falling in love for the first time,
and not knowing what to expect.
it’s writing shitty poems for people who
couldn’t care less,
but writing them anyway
to acknowledge that change is possible;
to acknowledge how much i’ve grown,
and to acknowledge that i am ten times better
than who i was just last year.
i have filled the holes that resided
throughout my soul,
and regained the life in my eyes.
i am now who i want to be.

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marielle, 8 czerwca 2015

who i am

I reject the idea that you learn who
you are in high school.
I've been here for three damn years
and I've never been further from truly
knowing who I am.
I lost my best friend,
I'm afraid to talk to my mom,
and my grades have become more important than my mental stability
(something in which has grown
entirely too frail over the years.)
I hate people,
but I want fiends.
I'm an ass of a person
with a conscience that rains over me.
I don't need anyone,
but I need him.
I'm going insane,
but I'd never speak a word of it.
I'm a god damn storm cloud
rolling over in hopes of creating
a rainbow.
I reject this concept of loving yourself
before you can love anyone else.
I've despised myself for years,
but when he looks at me,
I forget why hating myself was ever like.
I reject the fact that adults
possess the power to minimize
my feelings.
every
damn
thing I feel is valid.
don't tell me I'm not in love.
don't tell me I'm not stressed,
and don't you dare tell me I have
nothing to be sad about.
my scars are not proof of survival,
my riddle body is not so poetic,
but the fact that they exist
proves that I was once very sad and
very sick.
i reject the belief that high school
is the best 4 years of your life.
I see a future,
and I know it will be better.
I have crumbled under the weight of the world
far too many times,
but I have the strength of a thousand mountains
inside of me
and I will do whatever it takes
to make my future a hell of a lot
better than this.

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