Fatigued

The end of school is in sight. I only have 20 exams. And i can learn it in 2 hours. 

Most of the time i'm bored to death.

I love to sleep and i can sleep all day but i'm so tired.

I can't sleep at night.

I'm always up listening to music or watching a series.

(...)

--- cały tekst ---

Light at the end of the tunnel

Things are on the bright side most of the time.

I finally found someone special in my life, we are together 4 months now. I wouldn't know how i would get throught the day without her.

I finally found the energy to pick my life up again and do what i love to do.

I'm sporting again like i used too before my emotional breakdown.
I'm kickboxing, I always loved contactsports.

It's very heavy and disciplined, but i love it.
Pain strengthens the body and the discipline is good for me.

It also helps me to let go of some rage i need to stow away every day.

Not everything is good.


I'm attending college to become a teacher in history and Dutch.
But the teachers there are fools.

They can't organize anything but blame the students.
I hate people that think they are better than the rest.

A few weeks ago the told me that I had to be at school, so i hurried to get there in time.

When i got there, there was nobody.

It was like they were playing a joke with me.

It's been like that a few times.

I got very angry and then they tell me it's not their fault.

If i didn't do some kickboxing i probably would have thrown a few punches on the teacher.

And then there's Tom. The biggest moron of the entire school.

He (...)

--- cały tekst ---

Horrible friday

Couldn't get out of bed for school....
Had no energy to haul my carcass out of the bed...

Almost fell asleep on the bus.

After 3 dreadful hours of observing theater, got a task about phonetics to keep me busy during vacation.

Met this girl called Iris, she seemed nice enough, we were going to talk on skype.

found a nice zombie survival game to kill the time, i stored it in my favorites.

Anyway, douzed off. After the 3 hours of school, I spent 2 hours in the rain waiting for the busses i had to take just to do 20 km.

Came home, soaking wet, didn't have too much apetite.

Skyped with Iris, turned out to be another hopeless creature.
Another girl with no morals or respect for her body, only out to find guys to get in her bed.

I wondered , where has the world gone too...

Listened suicidal-depressive metal and Damien Rice until 2 am and wrote a small poem: The hope I crave, with bleeding fingers.

I kept thinking about Iris and it bothered me so much...
Why do I keep running into obstacles.. is there never an easy part...

She keeps bothering me on my cellphone...
acting all childish, sometimes calling me when she's drunk again..

She's only 16.... where has this world gone too?

I try so hard to think of good things, but i'm running out of options...

Anyway (...)

--- cały tekst ---