Fatigued

The end of school is in sight. I only have 20 exams. And i can learn it in 2 hours. 

Most of the time i'm bored to death.

I love to sleep and i can sleep all day but i'm so tired.

I can't sleep at night.

I'm always up listening to music or watching a series.

I don't know why?

I don't feel like doing anything except kickboxing.

I guess i just really need vacation, i'm so tired of school and all the crap they give.

A few days ago, i was on my bike. I was on my way home when i finished my training. There they were, my neighbourhood kids. Very rude and they never say anything. My sisters once found something on the street. It belonged to one of them. My sister gave it back to him and he just took it. He didn't even say "thank you."

I received a phonecall while cycling, it was a friend of mine asking about how i was going to spend my evening. Those annoying neighbourhood kids were also by bike and were cycling in the opposite direction, they were going to the park to play soccer. They saw me calling and one of them started saying rude things to me for no reason. Next time when i see him playing football on the street, i'm going to stop and ask him what his problem is. I'm done being pushed around by macho-trippy faggots.

Light at the end of the tunnel

Things are on the bright side most of the time.

I finally found someone special in my life, we are together 4 months now. I wouldn't know how i would get throught the day without her.

I finally found the energy to pick my life up again and do what i love to do.

I'm sporting again like i used too before my emotional breakdown.
I'm kickboxing, I always loved contactsports.

It's very heavy and disciplined, but i love it.
Pain strengthens the body and the discipline is good for me.

It also helps me to let go of some rage i need to stow away every day.

Not everything is good.


I'm attending college to become a teacher in history and Dutch.
But the teachers there are fools.

They can't organize anything but blame the students.
I hate people that think they are better than the rest.

A few weeks ago the told me that I had to be at school, so i hurried to get there in time.

When i got there, there was nobody.

It was like they were playing a joke with me.

It's been like that a few times.

I got very angry and then they tell me it's not their fault.

If i didn't do some kickboxing i probably would have thrown a few punches on the teacher.

And then there's Tom. The biggest moron of the entire school.

He (...)

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Horrible friday

Couldn't get out of bed for school....
Had no energy to haul my carcass out of the bed...

Almost fell asleep on the bus.

After 3 dreadful hours of observing theater, got a task about phonetics to keep me busy during vacation.

Met this girl called Iris, she seemed nice enough, we were going to talk on skype.

found a nice zombie survival game to kill the time, i stored it in my favorites.

Anyway, douzed off. After the 3 hours of school, I spent 2 hours in the rain waiting for the busses i had to take just to do 20 km.

Came home, soaking wet, didn't have too much apetite.

Skyped with Iris, turned out to be another hopeless creature.
Another girl with no morals or respect for her body, only out to find guys to get in her bed.

I wondered , where has the world gone too...

Listened suicidal-depressive metal and Damien Rice until 2 am and wrote a small poem: The hope I crave, with bleeding fingers.

I kept thinking about Iris and it bothered me so much...
Why do I keep running into obstacles.. is there never an easy part...

She keeps bothering me on my cellphone...
acting all childish, sometimes calling me when she's drunk again..

She's only 16.... where has this world gone too?

I try so hard to think of good things, but i'm running out of options...

Anyway (...)

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