Poezja

Dear silence,
Ssshhh!!!
Please keep quiet;
Without a word,
I hear you too loud... too clear…
 
You are a comforter when I'm depressed,
A shelter whenever I'm lost,
A home for my self-pity,
My breath in low self esteem-
 
Yet I'm still here
Dying on the inside
For some reasons to be made known,
annulling the thought of suicide; again.
 
Ssshhh!!!
I tell self,
Deceiving myself with this lie,
"No one will understand you,
but if you must, tell it to yourself
no one else will understand you."
 
And so, for too long
I wallowed in loneliness,
Though I was surrounded by people
I was very much always alone.
 
I was eclectic with my decisions,
I felt I couldn't have been wrong;
I was in so much pain, it made
Childbirth’s pain, look as painless as
bathing a childand so I thought,
"This has to be my best option
Being silent meant I was on the right track."
 
I couldn't tell anyone,
Not my lover
Not even the Lover of my soul,
I became isolated,
An embodiment of sadness…
 
I learnt how to fake a smile,
I learnt how to be defensive,
I learnt how to read people;
thus picking meaning from almost anything-
 
It wasn't always like this though,
I once tried to talk,
But I was induced with more problems,
Rather than a simple hand of solution
 
I wanted a friend,
But I got someone that grew distant.
I wanted a brother,
But I got someone that didn't bother.
I wanted a listener,
But I got someone that was just hearing.
I wanted you
But all I got was someone that didn't care enough.
 
With this much pain,
I found me a sedative,
I found succor in SILENCE
Keeping the pain to myself;
seemed to be the best option,
at least no one will induced more hurt…
 
Ssshhh!!!
…Silence...
I hear you too loud... too clear…
For too long-
 
But, things are different now,
They are getting better,
I see a light in my tunnel,
Someone reminded me of JESUS,
The one who allows me cast my care upon him,
The one who isn't judgmental
as he is careful in caring for me,
The one who gives rest to the heavy laden,
The one who gives peace to the soul,
The one with understanding,
The one who LISTENS,
The only one who heals no matter how deep...
 
My trust-
Its been abused once to many
Honestly, it has made me pessimistic,
Nonetheless... I felt I should give him a try,
And so I opened up to him
I told him about the weight I had been lifting
My tears fell right on his shoulder...
It became crystal clear,
He is the light in my tunnel.
Do not misread the next couple of lines;
I'm still in the walking process making progress-
 
I feel lifted
I am calmer
I feel joy
I know I have someone that will listen;
a friend always closer than a brother
I'm lighter
I know I have someone that understands
 
"You need to speak up
Silence spreads within you like cancer,
And kills faster than a bullet to the heart-
It's when people HEAR you,
that you become more depressed.
Find someone that will LISTEN:
Family, counselor, mentor,
Boyfriend, Girlfriend, neighbor,
Whoever... but don't be desperate as to anyone,
Make sure it's someone that will listen,
Someone with the active heart of God-
Don't keep silent
You need to speak up"
 
Silence; be quiet!!!
I want to speak-
Christ in me is as well as in others
I've found someone I can talk to
In whom I find God's PEACE
(D title ascribed to d heart that listens)
I pray you find yours too…