Karen Degnan Foiles, 19 lutego 2013
Runaway into the night
Runaway without a fight
Have you slept at all tonight?
Have you thought about your future?
This is not something you can suture
This is such a hard way to mature
Do you have shoes on your feet?
Do you have enough to eat?
Are your plans set in concrete?
You think that this will solve
The problems you can't resolve
Are now problems that will compound?
It's not too late, but the clock ticks
Come back and face the music
Come back and share your feeling
Things aren't always what they seem
Come back, and let out a scream
Share your pain, and let your healing begin
Let the hope of love get under your skin
And bring you back home again
Karen Degnan Foiles, 19 lutego 2013
Many times you've heard them say
"You never know until you try it"
Who cares if it's less that perfect
Your reason to try, can be many things
Boredom, a dare, a bad dream
A time in your life for growing
So you sit down and write
And to much to your delight
Who knew you'd have a new talent
They've been inside your head
You can wait to see
Just what all these words mean
They have a life of their own
A story evolves, the words unknown
You can't wait to get to the end
When it's time close and the story is done
You take the time to sit and ponder
My goodness was this me
I can't believe that
I made this masterpiece!
Karen Degnan Foiles, 19 lutego 2013
Another chapter ending and another to start
Another heart descending, another heart departs
My life is an open book, for all to see
As I write these painful memories, and my wonderful journey
Excited about the future and frightened by it too
Each day grows closer to my new history
I take a step towards the bright mystery
Discoveries to be sought and lessons learned
Who know what they will be
For only god does know that for sure
Karen Degnan Foiles, 22 stycznia 2013
Guilt is not your friend,
But is it…it depends
Guilt, the stink of sludge
And the color of mud
Guilt, the reminder of the past
Of harm and pain surpassed
Guilt, is the devil in disguise
Waiting for your soul to die
Guilt, is slime with all beauty aside
Covering your beaten hide
Guilt, keeps you in check
When you want to say what the heck…
Guilt, when you feel you should
But it is something understood
Guilt, partners with regret
Consequence’s with debt
Guilt, is like a death
It reminds you of the your dread
It hisses from the lips of those who are pure
It turns their gentle heart insecure
Guilt, it makes the stomach turn
When things are about to turn
Guilt is not your friend,
But is it…it depends
Karen Degnan Foiles, 24 stycznia 2013
I lost the person that I once knew
She took a different path to pursue
A path that I had to go through
And paid my past life adieu
I used to like my crafts
To see what I can create
Now I only do for others
So 'they' can appreciate
I used to be outgoing
I liked to make new friends
Now I'm timid and boring
Now I sit back and blend
I used to love to sing
It was my favorite thing
It made me feel that I could heal
The pain that I felt inside
Now it's not a treasure
That I can take pleasure
It reminds me of who I was
And who I do not want to be
I'm told I must heal myself
When all my life I felt pain
I tried so hard to keep it shelved
Protecting myself from blame
I was always very sensitive
To harsh words or a loud yell
They cut so very deep within
Bid my self-esteem farewell
Now I try to see
Just where it all comes from
Not take it so personally
They had also succumb
Who am I, this person I've become
The old me has disappeared
As the new has persevered
I'm someone who's no longer numb
Karen Degnan Foiles, 22 stycznia 2013
When I was little, I wanted to be
A speaker against prejudice and hating
My dad told me of a man of ground breaking
He spoke of equality for you and me
This man would bring people together
Of every creed and color
He tried to teach us live with each other
Side by side with toleration as brothers
He did not expect us to live in bliss
But with respect and without malice
He had a dream so strong and true
He had a dream for me and you
His life was short and not so perfect
He was simple man, a born sinner
A master of words, a deal spinner
But he was a model, a man to respect
His life was cut too short one day
By a man filled with fear and hate
If they were both alive here today
He would wipe the slate clean and pray
The good in his heart
Has lived on today
It shows when we show
Respect for each other
We hear of Equality, Peace, and Love
These can be all be linked
To that man who had a dream
To let freedom ring
His dream lives on today
Karen Degnan Foiles, 23 lutego 2013
I've been doing some thinking
'Bout this new path I'll be taking
It'll be really scary without you
When I've counted on you for everything
I'm strong in spirit
And will not give up and quit
But I believe in my heart
That is just what you did
I grew up in a house
Of love and hope
You grew up with
Common sense and dope
I am the dreamer
My eyes wide shut
You're the controller
Eyes on the buck
Our love was started in sin
Yet we threw caution to the wind
We found the fantasy mirage
And thought we could beat the odds
Oh how we struggled
Just to be together
I guess you were just tired
Of”trying” to love another
I never gave up on love
But I gave on you
I guess that why I did
What I did to you
You've done me a favor
My future I'll savor
Because "Better off" I'll be
To finally live my life
For "I" and not "We"
Karen Degnan Foiles, 24 stycznia 2013
I turn the glass over and watch the sands fall
Creating a mound of memories to recall
I reflect to cherish, the days of my youth
Watching them slip by, not much I can do
But awake to a new day, that too will pass
I will pick up that glass and with no abash
I empty the grains of days gone by
Empty the time, and fool myself “why”?
Who wants to see that you’re getting older
Just let it come by and you’ll feel bolder
I’m not leaving without a fight
I’m stubborn and full of strife
I like how I feel and don’t want a reminder
Just how fast time slips by
So I will run in the that sand
And then kick my heals up high
Take “that” sand, take “that” time
Karen Degnan Foiles, 19 lutego 2013
Never thought I'd be sending you clothes today
Today of all days
A day to celebrate but instead
I picked out your favorite threads
And shipped our hopes a dreams away
To made sure you'd warm while away
I'm a little numb and going thru the motions
Throughout these complications
Still can’t believe our marriage is but a memory
On our anniversary
Karen Degnan Foiles, 19 lutego 2013
I want to know someone’s there
To hold me when I laugh
And when I cry when I’m sad
When I’m at my best, in all my glory
And at my worst, yet you’ll stand by me
Not judge, nor guilt me into shame
I want someone to love me
Be my cheerleader in life
To sing my loving praise
And I want inspire him to be
The champion of my heart
Whose dreams will never be out of reach
I want to lock eyes
From across a crowded room
And only see you and feel our passion
Begin to rise
I want to feel alive
Karen Degnan Foiles, 22 stycznia 2013
I dreamed of your eyes
you looking at me
I dreamed of your smile
You said I was pretty
You cupping my cheek
Touching me gently
Tilting your head
Leaning in to kiss me
I was smiling in my sleep
My heart was warmed
I was helpless and weak
And then I awoke
Feeling empty and depleted
So sad I was with sleep in my eyes
Tears that followed
I pounded my fists with despise
It was bittersweet, my love
Cause you were “my” true love
But I am not yours
Karen Degnan Foiles, 22 stycznia 2013
Love is good, love is kind
But love can be evil and blind
Love controlled my heart and mind
For so many years of my life
Made me ignore all the signs
Of the bad things that I did
And all the things I did not do
How many people I've left too
All the poems I've written
All the songs I've sung
Were a little bad birdie in my ear
Singing the wicked praises of love
My dependence of loves dread
Love led me astray to regrets
Of bad decisions and lies
Were just evidence of my demise
The neediness of acceptance
The craving of bonding
The wanting of touch
The patience of sex
Love injured my heart and
Shattered my trust
Made me question my very souls
Worthiness for happiness
Leaving me emotionally spent
And physically weak
Was I just trying to repair
The broken child within?
Karen Degnan Foiles, 24 kwietnia 2013
What's done is done
You can't go back and change it
It's time to move on
You can't rearrange it
You've paid your price
And it's time to proceed
No matter what your vice
Unsteady as it seems
You'll rise above anything
You rebuild your self-esteem
You feel like you're grasping
At a big ball of string
One string at a time
One day at a time
You're growing into
A better person in time
Karen Degnan Foiles, 31 marca 2013
What a week
What a streak
Please don't say a peep
Let me enjoy my cup of tea
Freaky, frazzled
Weakly, Hassled
What I wouldn't give
For Mondays to be cancelled
Harried, Wary
Hurried, Buried
Time is blustering by
I'm always saying "Bye"
Heckle, Jekyll
Lies, Spy's
What the heck happened
Oh well at least the week
is unravelled
Karen Degnan Foiles, 24 kwietnia 2013
I can say things I never thought
You bring out the best in me
I can feel things I’ve never felt
You bring out the best in me
I can see things more clearly now
No more stress, only calmness
I can laugh out loud and be a little goofy
And it’s nice to know you really “get” me
The comfort I feel is unmatched and surreal
I can be myself and not worry to conceal
I have someone I love and need
You’re in my thoughts and heart indeed
Even as we sleep I feel I must reach
To make sure you’re not a blissful dream
The love we make, the passion we feel
Is like no other I have felt that was real
Karen Degnan Foiles, 6 listopada 2011
I said prayer for you today
I hope you didn't mind
I asked God to comfort you
And put you tears behind
I prayed for peace and mercy too
To help you through these days
And for his loving guidance.
As he leads you on your way
You need not walk this path alone
Just turn around you’ll see
You have families and friends
To help make your pain ease
I prayed for miracles
And hope and happiness
And also asked to bless you...
When you are so stressed
I said prayer for you today
I hope you didn't mind
I just wanted to make sure
As I knelt down to pray
Please god, bless us America
@ Karen Foiles
Karen Degnan Foiles, 24 kwietnia 2013
Why do I let you get under my skin?
Like “tick” that buries in and stays there
Last night I laid in bed and stared into the dark
Wondering “was it love?”, then I chuckled No, not by far
Why do I feel like the biggest loser
When you revel in my ineptness
When “you” were the abuser
Your hand never rose yet I felt your slap
Leaving scars on my heart
Your words…Oh how they struck
Maybe it’s because you made me feel
Inadequate as a wife and mom
Sometimes you had a heart of steel
Maybe it’s his way of re-assuring his decision
So he can say that divorcing me
Has made him a better person
Or is it his way of making sure
That I continue to pay for the hurt
He feels everyday with regret
** About an Ex-Husband
Karen Degnan Foiles, 23 lutego 2013
I remember I woke to the sound of chaos
First I thought it was another bombing inIraq
Turned off the radio and turned on the news flash
I couldn’t believe this was an attack
All those people caught in panic and terror
When the first tower fell, I thought was an error
Then the second deflated like a bag of air
But with the utmost despair
All those people running for their lives
I couldn’t believe it to see such demise
Fear and disbelief running ram pet
An un-waking hideous nightmare of time
The news cut in and said, the pentagon was hit
Oh my gosh I thought, could this be it
I look up to the skies as I drive to work
I hear there was another plane, it hit the earth
They said it was headed for theSearsTower
Oh no, that’s where my husband works
I tried to call him, and I couldn’t get through
I don’t even remember my 2 hr commute
I felt guilty as hell because here I sit
He could be Bin Laden’s target
When I heard they changed their rout
I rush came over me, I let it all out
I finally spoke to him, he was scared as a boy
The building was roped off, they let everyone out
The train station was packed, people were jumping the tracks
All they were doing was looking to be safe
That was all that mattered
Panic and hysteria filled the air
But once on the train he said it was eerie
No one said a word, only the sound of a radio
Everyone hanging on every word
A sign of relief as they drove further away
No one on that train will forget that day
They could have been the next to die that day
And instead they go home and feel safe again
I never felt so happy about a plane crashing
But my husband, my life, my everything
Was not going to die at least not that day
I thank the passengers that gave their lives that day
They knew they would never see their families again
They knew they were traveling a human bomb
I feel for the families who lost their loved ones
I cannot imagine how they felt
The parents, the wives, sons and daughters
Sisters and brothers, friends and lovers
Karen Degnan Foiles, 25 lutego 2013
I still can see your face
In an unexpected place
On TV or on the street
I can see your smile
Every once in awhile
Though, it was bitter-sweet
My thoughts slip back
As I close my eyes
To think of darker times
You were on your knee
Pleading, asking please
So sure I would not retreat
So crushed you were
When I shook my head
Too shaken to even speak
You knew before asking
Just what I’d say
But took a chance anyway
Again, I shake my head
and with no regret
Event though you cried and begged
Still, I would not commit
My heart belonged to another
A true love above all other
That is not what we were
This, I will not bend
So please do not contend
If you say you love me
Let me go for if I stayed
I may not love you in the same way
Karen Degnan Foiles, 31 marca 2013
Just me popping in
Seeing how ya been
Popping by is my style
Just where do I begin…
I wanted you to know
That I have missed you so
I'm sorry I have neglected
My true friend I have respected
My life is a whirlwind
In this spectrum called life
And is anything but sublime
Some days are like a roller-coaster
There are highs and lows
Some are fun and some scary
I know why I'm scared to call
It'll stir up old memories
That I'm not ready to deal or feel
I miss you my friend
I miss your laughter and your tears
I miss our friendship over the years
Not a day goes by
That I don't think of you
And I promise I will call you
This was written for a very good friend I have lost touch with.
5/1/06
Karen Degnan Foiles, 31 marca 2013
There's kinds of loss that can bum you out
The loss of a game
You lost your way
Losing your favorite pin
This can make you pout
But without a doubt
It is not a real big thing
The kind of loss that can make you shout
The loss of your job
The loss your car
When you could not pay
It left you confused
Feeling slightly defused
But then you can re-group
Then there a loss, that cuts deep within
My maternal rights that I tried not to win
So stupid to give up such a gift
To watch my boys grow, live with the man
that I've tried so much to get away
No school papers to hang on my frig
No more practices to run to at night
Now I that I am a part-time Mom
And try and do it all on my weekends
This was written about a very tough time in my life. My boys are older now but the feelings are still there.
= 03/20/2006 =
Karen Degnan Foiles, 25 kwietnia 2013
All I talked about was you
The months before you were home
Not a call or a text, but on facebook
I find out your home like everyone else
She got the surprise
A hug she could not even give
I’d given you hugs and kisses
And said I’m so proud and cry
I know you never meant to hurt me
But that night I cried like a baby
A mother needs to know she’s loved
Just like a son needs to be proud of
I wanted to know when you’d be home
So I could arrange some time to spend
You could not give me that
Yet it was the night before you left
You still haven’t changed
Still avoiding situations
Like not knowing how to tell people
You just want to hang with friends
But I’m YOUR MOM dammit
I think I have the right
To see you more than once
The 2 weeks you’re home from Kuwait
Maybe I wasn’t a good mom
Is this really what you think
But you won’t tell me
Cause you’ll avoid that just the same
She texted me to let me know you’d be home
So I called and texted,
I’m home on facebook you said
Yet no reply I got
Your actions speak louder
Than the few words you say
I see where I stand
In your small world you stay
** I wrote this after my son in the Army come home the first time on leave...
Karen Degnan Foiles, 25 kwietnia 2013
Ah yes, the word frustration
It’s the maker of impatience
The words calm and collect
Have no relation
Just when you think all is right
You find yourself waiting for that moment
That check, that special person to arrive
Failure to deliver, trust taking a dive
When you count on something
And it does not happen
You get upset and uptight
You say never again
Then you do it all over again
Karen Degnan Foiles, 7 kwietnia 2013
Everyday we get up
And feel stronger everyday
Everyday we get up
Glad to see another day
Some battles we have fought
Just to stay alive
Some battles we have fought
Just to see another day
Some battles we win
Some battles we lose
For reasons unknown
For reasons we choose
We all have our battles
That we must fight
Some harder than others
Some you take in stride
When your heart is full of love
You have the courage to fight
When your heart is full of love
You have everything to fight
Karen Degnan Foiles, 7 kwietnia 2013
They lived in a castle
Surrounded by a sea
And a forest of beautiful trees
Everything’s perfect
Everything is grand
The love of her life is holding her hand
Someone she loved was not who she thought
And shattered her dreams, she felt all was lost
She can’t have the life that she once knew
But instead have something that is so untrue
Does she dwell on the past or
What should have been
Does she accept the pain and
Move on thick-skinned
She knows what she wants
But was told not to feel
She looks back and sees
Only a fractured fairytale
Karen Degnan Foiles, 3 kwietnia 2013
I knew I just met you
But I’ve known you all my life
That moment I first hugged you
I had felt a spark
That moment I first kissed you
I had no doubts
That moment we held hands
I understood God’s plan
Karen Degnan Foiles, 3 kwietnia 2013
We’re older and wiser and
Love each other with all our might
We appreciate each other with respect
This is the best time of our lives
We may not have much time together
Since we met so late in life
But at least we can spend it during
The best time of our lives
We rush home with anticipation
To fall into each other’s arms
And cry happy tears of joy
Just to see each other again
We laugh and we cry, we dare not deny
The love we felt all along inside
A love that was meant to be
We’ve been feeling all this time
We just had to wait for the right time
When forever is never enough time
To spend together the rest of our lives
Dare I say I found Love "Again" ??
Karen Degnan Foiles, 3 kwietnia 2013
Each day we wake up
We wish for the strength
To live through another day
Lord please keep me on
The straight and narrow
But do not judge me
When I stumble or falter
I hope and pray that tomorrow
Your love will wash it away
Thru all the denial and dismay
I’ll make it through another day
Because true love does not question
Something that is beyond comprehension
About Addiction
Karen Degnan Foiles, 3 kwietnia 2013
Sometimes the line bewteen steps are crossed
Right now the line is dark and unapproachable
But to get past it you can only rise above...
About being a Step-Parent
Karen Degnan Foiles, 3 kwietnia 2013
The day he released me was a gift to find you
It was something that was long overdue
I don’t even wonder if the one I love is you
I feel so happy because I know my feelings are true
Knowing how I feel now and how I felt then
I can tell the difference between true love
And “trying” to hang on to a love of pretend
I have never been more sure of anything
I felt trapped in my feelings
I was too scared to speak up and say
You’re not good for me, so please go away
My stubborn pride was in the way
Because I was not about to fail again
To have my family look at me and say
And it’s happening all over again
She’s she cheated and done it again
Just another screwed up decision by a woman
Who won’t let anyone help with their supervision
So I stuck it out, knowing in my heart it was wrong
So I changed for that, knowing I had to be strong
The love I feel for you is so honest
No shame, doubt or feeling embarrassed
I allowed myself to open my heart to you
Because I knew from the start that I loved you
Written 2007 before I knew better... :-(
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