Proza

The Letter

Hi Mom and Dad,
Well in a away its all over and in a way it's not. Sound confusing? Firstly don't worry, secondly please allow me to explain and importantly listen to what I have to say. So dry your eyes . In my heart of hearts I ask you please not too mourn for ever and ever over my parting. I never was a martyr and never will be. At the same time please don't see me as some sort of sacrificial lamb. Life certainly isn't a sacrifice to me and this attitude is thanks to your input. It had to happen when it happened - sometime, someday, somewhere. There is no getting away from this fact of life or is it death? What is time? I guess what we make of it.
As we have "got to know each other" pretty well over the past twenty years you are aware that I have always found an irony in existence. Oops sorry! Am I sounding academic I hope not because some idiot of a psychologist will say that I am in a state of emotional denial and to sound even further demented some Freudian psychoanalyst may posture that my joining the forces was the minds reaction to the Id's "death wish".. Hopefully that does not make any sense to you as it didn't to me. Mom and Dad, to be simple it's just the way I was made . My belief being that the writings on the wall the moment we are born and I have always been of the opinion that most of our worries are centred around when that fatal moment will occur. Unfortunately ours is not the future to see. I promise to speak to the big man upstairs about this, when I have the time of course. So again don't worry it's in a safe pair of hands. Oh by the way that's my pair of hands!
You also know me well enough, Mom and Dad, to understand that I attempt to avoid self pity I hope some of this attitude rubs off on you. I am and always will be truly grateful to have a Mom and Dad who gave me love, happiness and importantly the choice in deciding what I thought was good for me and what was bad for me. You also allowed me to be myself and tried to instill in me the quality, or dare I say, the virtue of even handedness. Without, I should add, the pitfall of being overbearingly righteous about my intentions. Thanks a million.
Neither have I been inclined towards nationalism or religion. I assure I didn't join the forces with any deeply held convictions in forwarding any particular strain of belief or cause. I simply joined for a bit of fun, to be with a good bunch of lads and lasses and see what happens. So please do not blame the forces for anything. They are like my second family. Hell I have some good friends and we had some great laughs. Thanks a ton for supporting me with love and understanding even though you thought I was doing the wrong thing from the beginning. I loved you every day for allowing me to plough my own furrow.
Please Mom and Dad never ever forget that whatever people say, what you read in the press, hear on the radio or see on television no one will understand what it is like being part of the army. The word I am trying to find is camaraderie. An unexplainable ethereal abstract quality. In the same breath they will never understand the true family love we experienced. What a life we had. Memories are very much a part. of daily thoughts. Obviously we all go through highs and lows, that's part of growing up, as they say, but if at all possible please try to remember the good times. Gee we had many of those. Well on that note it's time to move on and don't despair I m waiting for you on the other side.

Your loving son,

Sapper George - 3 Squadron