She took a razor from her bag
And led herself through the game.
She put the razor on her hand
And once again she slit her veins.
The river float down her hand,
Her veins were turning red.
She cut herself once more, again,
Relief she felt was great.
She couldn’t stop, no, not this day.
The razor blade fell from her hand,
Her tears were turning red.
She killed herself, she didn’t care,
She lost her love, again.
She died in tears, with happy face,
She closed her eyes at last.
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awesome poem
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thank you ;))
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well captured the absolute combination of relief and pain that comes from self harm, i think that the use of simple struturing effective, but i think you would benefit from using more emotive language tied in with more imagery, as this would make your works more effective with the percentage of the population who have not experienced a certain amount of these life experiences, then again i might be out of line, but feel free to view my works and analyise them to your hearts content! :D
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Thank you for your comment. This was originally written as lyrics to a potential song, but I never had a chance to write music for it. So it turned into a poem. That is why the vocabulary is not so emotional and profound. But I appreciate your advice :D
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