Suspended Execution

Self-searching was most difficult for me 
one by one the years had gone by. 
Remaining taciturn I move inwardly, 
try to read the verdict on the wall, 
a suspended execution. 
I slowly become blind. 
 
A terrible blankness, 
infiltrates into mind, 
my hands tremble. 
Cannot write the unwritten code, 
civilized way of accepting the retreat. 
The flawless life was a dream, 
I wake up in anger, counting the failures. 
 
How painful it is to realize 
your revered one are becoming smaller than you. 
Death does not swallow the pride 
what is to forego and what not? 
From moment to moment, 
I squeeze the frightening truth.