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So far today has been complete hell all because of yesterday, well actually just the year or so after my best friend, Ryan,kiled hmelf and I found him about 10 minutes later ever since then people have said that I'm the reason he killed himself that I wanted him dead when really why would I? He was my best friend the only person I trusted with EVERYTHNG! so why would I want him dead. Everyday with out him has been hell for me. I never show it around people though I'm told I always look really happy but when peope find out what happened to Ryan they can't imagine how I can be happy and really I'm not but I don't want my friends to worry about me I just wish that one day I'll wake up and realize it was all a dream that Ryan isn't dead that Iits August 2010 again and I can stop him from killing himself like he has so many times for me and the ONLY reason I'm alive right now is that I can't leave my friends and I promised Ryan tht I wouldn't try to kill myself or successfull kill myself. I just can't imagine how anyone can think about someone killing their best friend I mean why would you do that? especially wth Ryan he helped me though soo much he helped me stop cutting myelf sfter almost 4 years of cutting, he stop me from killing myself I don't know how many times. I just wish that my mom hadn't thrown away all the pictures I had of him and me togethter cause if you were to look t them you would be able to tell (...)
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Now that your gone I miss you more than ever
I miss hugging you when I'm sad
I miss the way you talked
i miss getting mad at you when you called me cupcake
I miss the way you looked at me
I miss you always calling before I go to sleep
I miss you calling just to say "hi"
I miss the way you always knew how to make me smile when I wanted to cry
I miss being able to tell you everything
I miss you always walking me to class
I miss how people always thought we were a couple
I miss you cuddling me when I was cold
I miss you always talking shit about people who hurt me just to make me laugh
I miss how we would write notes during class even though we sat next to each other
I miss you kissing me on the forehead
I miss every little thing you did
And I miss you more everyday Ryan
Why did I believe you when you said "you and me forever."
But when you let me fall I knew you had lied
So why did I let you take my heart away? Why did I let you see me cry?
Why do I still love you?
Why can't I stop thinking about you?
Why didn't you tell me the truth?
Why did you ahve a gun?
Why didn't you tell me how you really felt?
Why did you have to wait till the end
To tell me the truth?
Why did you tell me "I love you"
Before you shot the gun?
Because wen you did it wasn't just you
That died that night
R.I.P- Ryan Williams
Shes the girl that you walk pass in the hall without noticing
She can cr out your name and you won't even look in her lirection
Shes invisible to you and she can't take it any longer
So she lets the water take it in her cold embrace
And she ill stay ther till you notice her
But will you ever notice?
