Diary

Sad that you have left
But something is made quite clear
You are no further removed from me with 500 miles between us,
Than when you were right here.
Unattached and distant,
Not wanting to get too close
And then to act as if oblivious
I guess that’s what got to me the most.
The subtle changes
Intentional or unaware?
Preoccupied with various thoughts,
Neither chose to share.
You seem not to be bothered
I don’t know where to start.
 Alternate Agendas and Separate missions
Complete disconnection of Mind, bodies and heart.
Silenced
By the wondering thoughts
Plagued with nagging doubts,
Bombarded Questioning…
I usually do without.
Disturbed by the onslaught of sudden miss-trust
On my own I wrestle
with things we should have discussed.
 
Not very long ago
Silliness was easily dismissed
Until you made it such an issue
That we had open mouth kissed.
I didn’t understand your apparent disgust then
I don’t care to understand it now
Im just trying to put it all together in some kind of order,
So maybe I can possibly understand somehow.
It started out friendly
 and nearly hassle free
I made the mistake of thinking
We enjoyed each others company.
 
Perhaps we overdid it
Or took for granted the time we spent
I noticed several changes
But never asked what they meant
It seemed perhaps almost trivial
To mention each and every little thing
And you nonchalant way of shrugging it off
As really no big thing.
If nothing else , I considered you as friend
Until you told me you had none,
I wasn’t anything other than usual
When you are just fucking someone!
So now that we seem to no longer fuck
I might as well scream why I think you suck!
 
One of the many
That I must make mention
Our dwindling to nothing sex life
Is a high source of tension
Perhaps you are just no longer attracted,
Or those messages you ignore when im around
Maybe you are just distracted.
No longer feel anything close to being desired
Your simple “Thank you “after orgasm,
Makes me feel like someone you hired
You used to tell me I was beautiful
And made me feel that way
But now it always disrespectful
And im hurt by the things you say.
Just one of your sluts
As you so charmingly put it
How can I be a slut
When we don’t even fucking do it?
From beautiful to slut
Compliments replaced by hurtful rips
and seemingly obligation of occasional kiss
Are given with thin tightly closed lips