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I wanted to love you forever,
Yet settled for right now
You said I could love you perfectly
You destroyed that somehow.
Of purpose, your own devastation course
Detached of any emotional involvement
No guilt no accountability, no remorse
You took from me, and took your fill
You emptied me, and you are empty still.
How does that happen, where did it go
I gave my hopes of a future,
To a man I can never know.
Snuffed my expectations,
Vanished into thin air…
Scarred my core so severely
I’d never know its there.
Childhood fancies of an awaited true love,
Superior, Regal and divine
Vanish in an instant and forgotten
Once upon a time.
Twice Ill never see
Thrice cursed in existence
A multiDimensional …
(...)
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Nature’s wet in the form of dew
Moist, glistening
Between my legs
Im thinking of you
Thoughts and fantasy
Intense and erotic
In the middle of my reality
Sometimes chaotic.
Unstructured,
Remaining somewhat civilized
Elements of fire
Burning ravenous
Out of control
Attraction…Desire
To touch taste, feel
The want the hunger
Sometimes seems unreal
Real, I know You are
How; Secrets I cant tell
But pictures of you
In the meantime
Feed my fantasies well
Sad that you have left
But something is made quite clear
You are no further removed from me with 500 miles between us,
Than when you were right here.
Unattached and distant,
Not wanting to get too close
And then to act as if oblivious
I guess that’s what got to me the most.
The subtle changes
Intentional or unaware?
Preoccupied with various thoughts,
Neither chose to share.
You seem not to be bothered
I don’t know where to start.
Alternate Agendas and Separate missions
Complete disconnection of Mind, bodies and heart.
Silenced
By the wondering thoughts
Plagued with nagging doubts,
Bombarded Questioning…
I usually do without.
Disturbed by the onslaught of sudden miss-trust
On my own I wrestle
with things we should have discussed.
Not very long ago
Silliness was easily dismissed
Until you made it such an issue
That we had open mouth kissed.
I didn’t understand your apparent disgust then
I don’t care to understand it now
Im just trying to put it all together in some kind of order,
So maybe I can possibly understand somehow.
It started out friendly
and nearly hassle free
I made the mistake of thinking
We enjoyed each others company.
Perhaps we overdid it
Or took for granted the time we spent (...)
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Time
im doing it without you
LIFE
you are living without me
surviving a reality
never supposed to be
you are blinded by this strange hostility
and things you care not to see
ive loved you without restraints
resentments or controls
and sadly love you still
unfortunately you cant love me
without conditions
and you probably never will
a life we planned on together
seperated by the things you have done to sever
the opposite of love isn't hate
although you find that hard to tell
most certainly it is indifference
and you have taught me well
To the Lover I can no longeer love
To the Lover I can no longer love,
I’m speechless. There are no words to describe how rejected, humiliated and betrayed by your actions, your words and your inability to seemingly uphold the commitments we have made to each other.
Every fucking time we have a disagreement, the result is the same. You leave. You say its over. You’re done.
But for two years now, you are never really done. After 3 days. A week sometimes two, you come back into contact. For a couple of days, things are like they used to be, you make me feel loved, missed, you lead me to believe that you enjoy being with me, that life without me has little to offer compared to when we are together. You even go as far as to say that no one understands what I’m going through better than you. We are in the same boat. THAT is all I have ever wanted with you. I gave you my heart. I gave you all my love and gave you the promise that we were in it together. I loved you and gave up my right to jump ship if the waters got rough. Willingly I would drown if our ship began to sink and if we gave it our ALL and that wasn’t enough, then so be it.
BUT that could never be it. You constantly jump ship of your own accord and leave me to battle treacherous waters on my own. Do you create these raging waters in order to justify bailing out? Do you intend for me to sink? Or is it your own inability to uphold your part of the commitment?
Hours spent trying to decipher your moods, attitudes (...)
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Today I woke up to the very same Realization- and I am shocked at how stupid I could be and have been and Good Golly What in this world am I going to do about it? What 's first, second, should fourth been third and left five reserved? Instead of head on confrontations with conflict that addressed to my behavior is well deserved?
And someone with hindsight who turns to me blindly and asks me to translate in another language the played out parody that was observed.
to think Im so smart and I dont know a thing, my sense of well-being now disturbed?
Am I okay? Will this disorder persist? or am I? By the means of insanity dismissed?.
I cannot hold you responsible for not loving me enough
And should have expected that you would get going
When the going got rough
The greatest gift I could ever give myself
Is love
Because you never did.
C'est lavie to author's wealth
Finish this chapter
and end this book
and put it back on the shelf.
No one needs to read it,
For it would never be understood
And from front to back
cover to jacket
would ever be considered good
Just a waste of time, love and space
Misery evident all over the place.
You exceeded expectations then sold yourself short
Random experiences collected and left scars breed together
Imitating an unsightly wart.
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myself again.
"leave em alone and they'll come home waggin thier tails behind them..."
if what they said be true
what would be said of you
the signs were there
from the very start-
you took over my mind
and stole my heart
quick connect
just as quick detach
words and deed
didn't match
i fell in love with your potential
the lover you could be
and shared my dreams
and hopes of the future
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Inner Beauty
Darkened skies
Some shadowed cast of light
Obscure and most eerie
Insects buzz a haunting tune
An air of false ambiance,
A personality sort
Illusionary calm,
The night,
Thick with pretense.
My mind
Almost lucid;
Promised tranquility disappears with the moon.
Dissipation of dream like state…
Reality
Reeks of anguish and grief
Layers of insults upon injury
The masquerade reveals a mannequin
Hidden is the soul beneath
Manipulated behaviors and modified by method
Tormented by rules of etiquette
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Plain Jane
crushed
Fukk Tarzan!! Can U dew it??
Just plain ol' jane, the self as significant as that name-
Queen of the jungle muther fuckers-
Holy shit!"That' s lame!"
Manipulated pathetic pawn--
to disregard and shit upon-
to participate in your game, inexperienced and very naive,
Might add addlebrained,
Dim whitted and xtremely gullable,good for nada
Can't even satisfy my man.
Apparently I have selective hearing too or I just Cant Understand ..
Normal Thinking,
This CUNT can
Perhaps I misunderstood when
He said he loved me
and needed me
and that would see us thru..
Because now I stand alone
He doesn't aknowledge me
there's nothing to see,
I guess he must have been talking to that damn chimpanzee.
A fool I was then and apparently still now
-I need to forget him , erase him somehow.
No questions asked, I believed all his lies
Its the truth I question
love turns to despise
Seems he could have went about it differently,
if he'd only wanted to get laid.
I seek escape,
to feel a touch thats REAL,
My (...)
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