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23 december 2011

22 december 2011, thursday ( Dear Self, )

It certainly has been a long time; I hope this letter finds you in a well balanced state of mind.  However, I am leaning towards the notion, that this is a very difficult time for you. You may feel rejected, humiliated, and perhaps a bit foolish and I sense, rather lonely.
It is not typical of me,, to harbor resentments, form grudges or play tit for tat, so although you left me, without warning without hesitation and without consideration of my feelings, and gave of your self to another of seemingly less than worthy virtue,
I am here for you.  I have always been here for you.
Deception or disloyalty may have been uncovered recently. This King could have been discovered to be a cheat, a fraud, or a con artist, and may have reacted violently or with anger, or more lies, to the exposure in order to guard his own emotions.  The charm might have worn thin, and the manipulations resisted, and the great, wise, and loving King could have been reduced to a charlatan, a womanizer, an imposter, or otherwise one who is all talk and no action with respect to his trustworthiness. The King is supposed to be an example of deeds over words, and he probably fell short and disappointed those who looked to him for guidance.
.There's a sort of practical joke in the air -- something sinister or ironic in the wind that could point out a perceived failure to its audience using daggers of truth that hit their mark with vengeful glee. Try to let Karma handle the matter of getting even. For to descend to their level, or sharpen your wits on lesser challengers to compensate for defeat or humiliation, could leave others disgusted and put you in the rejected position of being the only one laughing. Keep this in mind if you are instead in the "victim's" shoes, and you'll be able to walk away without a backwards glance....
That is exactly what you must do, for your own sanity, your own sense of being.  In order to guard yourself against whatever strange connection you two share.  He is no good.  Not to you or for you.  After promising to never turn his back on you with out valid explanation….several times he has promised….every time he breaks his promises.  You know how good it can be…if he wanted it to be....
,, you would not have these episodes. he creates them ,guides them,  controls them and wipes them away when he feels like it.  Turns the blame on you so that he doesn’t have to explain himself.  He is a liar, has played you for a fool and will continue to do so as long as you let him.  He does not love you.  He has never loved you, nor been honest about his intentions, will, doings and he never will be.  You must let him go.  Forget that you had anything to even consider.  He is the one who loses.  You can do nothing but gain…a real caring genuine man…
Who is able to love you and cherish you like the specialty you are
Someone who validates your being, acknowledges concern, isn’t so self serving and righteous…wants better for you…wants to see you happy….wants to provide you with  the means for  comfort and being secure that you have a rocking relationship…someone who is able to feel, and show remorse or concern.  Someone who isn’t such a narcissist. someone you can give freely of yourself to and find yourself there because its your center.
Do not dwell on the mistake you have made, let it go. Let him go…let it go with a quickness so tomorrow you can forget the darkness of today-
Your self

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Eugene Pal,  

wow, this fits my exact situation with my soon to be "ex wife" except I'm the one writing the letter to myself.

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