15 grudnia 2011

One way wrong way

together for a minute
it seems like many more
instances I am the object of his desire
in the next I am nothing but a whore
useless, worthless a cunt in fact
all the wondrous things he calls me
and never takes them back...
but take him back,
I always do,
even though the things he shouts
aren't even close to true.
One day its that Im a bitch
another its got to do with meds
Im sick I am twisted
Im fucked in the head.
then it seems as if his anger passed
and good for a day or two,
but seldom does it last
he forgets the things he tells me
promises broken incidentally
much different than the picture he paints
and always tries to sell me.
I love this man
the best way that I know how
but my best will never be good enough
I know this now
No matter what path i choose
he decides if I lose
whether we get along or fight,
decides who's wrong and whats right,
when to stay and why to go,
why that is I'll never know
he refuses to be realistic
or see his error in ways
and justifies his cruelty
and the mean things he says
to him I am a possession,
and one he readily discards
detachment is his middle name
loyalty he disregards.
hes wrung me through the ringer
hung me out to dry
no longer making me smile
he loves to see me cry.
walk away he always does,
needing no other reason than just because
he used to make me love him
and thought he loved me
but now i see that things can never be
accusations without supportive facts
cold heartless without love
is the way he attacks...
says he hates me
knows that I am a cunt
doesn't stand behind me
puts on quite the front
its over now
no more games no more inflicted wounds no more hurtin'
no more trying to decipher
what is certain
its quite obvious,
hes got what he wanted no more need to pretend
he doesnt act like he loves me nor as if we're friends
and every other day he decides he wants it to end
i deserve better
someone who is real
someone able to love and knows how to feel
emotions other than anger hatred and will allow time to heal.
when together its in secret, the multitude is unaware,
his actions always confirming
that he doesn't really care
he will delete his profile
rather than say in a relationship for a while
but listing single as his status
always makes him smile
his abuse-his mistreatment and pointimg the finger at me
defines the eact reasons why we can never be
but rather than read this and realise,
he'll claim its only more lies

it kills me-more and more of me dies
less and less of me tries

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