Prose

When it really sunk in that Josh and I were over, I went through each day wondering how I was still standing without him and his love and I felt total like giving up eahc day, for a while the only thing holding me up at all, was the hope he would come back, say he made a mistake and most of all tell me he still loves me, but that was first loved for January 20, 2012, the day it all ended, for a while it got a lot worse before it started to get better. Him loiving someone now more then he ever loved me has sent me back, but as mcuh as this hurts, I know losing everything him and I were way back soon after Christmas was a while lot worse. When I first lost his hands in mine, his hugs, his "I love you"s, his protectiveness and jealous face, his shoulder to lay my head on, my calls for him, the slow dances,, the chair being saved beside him, the door being held for me, the cheek for me to kiss, the talk of our first kiss, the title of his girlfriend and so much more, it is so mcuh worse then him getting a new girlfriend and being all the things I wanted him to be when he was my boyfriend to me, but he never did to her, like talking all the time about her, always calling her and not caring about the time limit, talking to her just for hours, saying he loved her, and asking all the tiem to come over when he never wanted to come to my house, saying she's the one and he wants to marry her and making funny sick faces about her, it's alike the dream boy, and I keep owndering, why couldn't he be that for me