Poetry

the walls close around, my world turns to dark
the night surrounds my empty heart; my mind
spins wildly with words and shadows black
and smoky—i hear voices shout behind
my ears, my head begins to pound and throb
the emptiness fills, pressure starts to build
and images shoot through me as i sob
for all the pain that eats me from inside
like alien hands grabbing at my brain
i cross a bridge, in water can i hide
from careless words and lost, judgmental souls
sharp currents look like icebergs beckoning
me from cool life’s harsh fire with their cold
but i won’t go, i edge carefully on
a flash of light and i am in the woods—
a length of rope lays limply by a tree
tall and sturdy, yet not unquestioning
he stares through leafy branches down at me
as birds fly by singing, and i curse both
for what right have they to live now so freely?
a flash hits again, the clashing of headlights
and i quickly shield my eyes, brace to resist
but the car continues racing as fast
as my heart, and i’m tired of its beat
i’m tired of the heat of the moment.
sometimes i wish i could step on the gas,
crash into something better than this.
sometimes i think of my soul floating up,
looking down on the remains and the lights
and the flames and all signs of what could be;
what could have been then but won’t ever be,
because then is over. everyone’s gone.
sometimes i wish i was, too.