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	Shadowpain
	PROFILE About me Friends (3) Poetry (12) Diary (3)

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Shadowpain, 12 february 2012

This is going to hurt

Last week me and my
girlfriend were enjoying a romantic dinner in the embrace of candlelight.
The ruby candles
lit up brightly and spread a rose-like fragrance across the room....
Everything was so
perfect... she was so happy, you should have seen it dear reader, you should
have seen the smile..

A smile that would
awaken envy among a thousand other women. We held hands, they fit together so
perfectly.
Like scales tipping
inside the borders of a fragile balance called love.

She says to me: Dearest, do you love me?

Of course I do darling, I just can't find the words to describe how wonderful I
feel when you are around me.
She says to me: Are
you sure?
Me: Yes dear
because else I wouldn't have bought you this wedding ring.
She says: Oh this
is just so amazing, oh you're everything I hoped for.. This is so amazing..

There is nothing I wouldn't do for you dearest.. Please, marry me..
She says to me: Why
yes of course I want to marry you!!
She runs into arms and presses herself tightly against
me.
Her eyes sparkle like stars in the dark sky, soft tears start falling from her
eyes like a small blanket of fog.
After a brief
moment of silence, we break the hug and I put up one of our favourite tunes on
the lp player..
As the tunes play,
we dance together until the energy has left our legs...
In this intimate
moment, lips entwine, eyes close and warm blood courses through our veins..
it all ended so
perfectly, so endlessly...

Now a few weeks
later.. I haven't seen her for 2 weeks
I decide to give
her a call...
-Hello Triss is
that you?
She says: Yes hello
dear how are you?
I'm ok it's just
that I miss you soo much, when will you be back from your business trip?
She: Soon hun, very
soon I'll be back in 2 days, I'll give you a call.
Ok dear talk to you
soon, I love you
She: Yeah.... love
you too
Two lonely days
pass, no phone call
I call her, she
picks up after several rings
Triss where are
you? Did something happen?
She: Oh No i'm
fine, i'm at the airport waiting for a cab.
Want me to come pick
you up?
She: No it's fine
dear i'll call you when I get back home.

Ok see you soon hun
She: Yeah...
4 hours later the
phone rings and I pick up
Triss?
She: yeah it's me
we need to talk you should meet me at the restaurant we hired 3 weeks ago..
Yeah ok dear, but
what's wrong?
She: Just be there
in 10 minutes
Ok hun..
I hurry over to the
restaurant as she drops by by 5 minutes later.
So what's wrong
Triss?
She; do you love
me?
Of course hun
She: Would you do
anything for me?
Yes dear, there's
almost nothing I wouldn't do for you.
She: Would you
support me in every choice I make
Yes no matter what
i will understand and support you Triss..
She; good, than
you'll understand within time that I wasn't on a bussiness trip but I was
sharing the bed with your best friend and I was just 2 streets away from you
when you called...
Wait what I don't
understand?
She: I don't expect
you to understand.. I just wanted you to know because i'm tired of lying...
And you can have
this back.. save it for some lonely girl who actually cares for all this
romantic nonsense..
......... What??? I
don't...
She: It's over..
don't you get it... I've been sleeping with your best friend for 3 months and
you never noticed.. I just sticked with you those last moments because I
enjoyed the attention but when you chose to marry me that was just too much..
I just sit there
doing nothing... She gets up and walks away..
I left the ring on
the table and walked off...
Later that night...
I decided to go for
a walk outside, snow falling down
I walked past my
friends house.. I peeked through a window..
I saw him please
her...
Disgusted I turned
away and pulled a gun from my coat...
I stood there for
several minutes, doubting.. should I just shoot them both or myself...
I decided to run...
back home....

3 years pass....
I still see her
everday going to my friend's house...
They say time
heals... well kids let me tell you...
Time heals
nothing..
I called her..
She answered
She: Hello who Is
this?
I simply said: When
the nightsky turns bright red...love will flow from my body and open a new
world for you to bask in... let my torment open the road to conscience.. so
that you may realize one day... what you did...
So that your guilt
finally awakens and you become human...

It was my favourite
verse in a book I wrote about suicide, a project I worked on before graduating
on university.. It was my favourite quote... I always said that to her...
I killed my
cellphone and turn the valve of the tap.
Ice cold water
shoots through into the rusty grate..
I place candles all
around me and lit them... the fragrance of rose fills the room... sounds
familiar doesn't it dear reader?
My veins thicken
under the rush of icy water that burns on my skin...
My ritual blade at
the ready... "made in England" "Topaz"
I follow the
lines...
like a beehive it feels
But an artist must
continue painting...
Through the pain...
keep painting..
Keep following the
lines...
Spilling fluids all
over the floor...
Writing a last note
on the wall...
before i faint from
loss of blood... I see her enter the bathroom...
I smile..
- You
remembered....
She starts crying
and looks at the wall...
I hope this will
wake you so you can finally open your eyes and see the damage you have wrought
upon yourself and those that really cared for you....
Take care Triss..
for I no longer can't....
Trust me... this is
going to hurt... for the rest of your life...

number of comments: 0 | rating: 4 | detail

Shadowpain, 12 february 2012

Syringes

Searching
for a fitting pose before injecting an overdose. All I need to live with the
blame is liquid chemicals in my veins.

rusty
needles, used before spreading disease even more.
a fear of
needles, an addiction to drugs which will be the end of us?

All these
needles laying in bowl, eavh its own story, its own toll.

Heavy
withdrawal a kick in the head, neither living nor am I dead.

Heavy
konvulsions, puking all the time..

Prepping a
needle for one last time.

Experimenting
with toxins, recipes for alchermists..

All of
these needles piercing the veins... All of my blood now clotted and stained..

Only way so
I can feel... is by stabbing myself with a needle...

Waking up
in another dimension, walking in utopia...

Before
returning to darkness and xenofobia..

Shaking
hands, all sweaty...

Is this
concoction finally ready?

I can't
deal with life no more...

All these
years of reflecting and pain...

Trying to
slit my primary veins.. Using the syringe to ease my pain..

Numbed by
narcotics and insane by the voices in my bed.. trying to bite off my tongue and
killing myself...

Every night
in the bathtub so warm.. I swim in syringes where there is no harm...

Every night
watching myself in the mirror on the bathroom wall, open medcasket with needles
and all...

Numbed by
narcotics, my mind like a jar filled all kinds of things..

A cocktail
of death

surging
through my veins....

Lying down
in the bathtub, the water so warm..

Slowly fading
out, the potent drug working it's charm...

paralysis,
submerging in the water, pulling the showercurtain down..

Slowly
bloods ascend from my eyes and nose up to the surface..

Curtain
falls...

Death
calls....

Sleeping on
a bed of syringes...

Rusted
needles... each one its own story to tell

number of comments: 0 | rating: 5 | detail

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Other poems: The Frozen Eye, Of lovers gone by, Cold Hands, Continuer, Angels, Collecting dust (on the road to defeat), The hope I crave, with bleeding fingers, Dead roses and broken hearts, When pain becomes the remedy, The lonely Crow, This is going to hurt, Syringes,

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This is going to hurt

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